


The Caged Dove

by tposing_sniper



Series: The Caged Dove, and the Rabbit With the Key [1]
Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Awkward Conversations, Break Up, Denial of Feelings, Drunkenness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Established Relationship, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Gaslighting, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Manipulative Relationship, Mild Smut, Mildly Dubious Consent, Overprotective, Recreational Drug Use, Therapy, do you like Engie? you won't, oh god where to begin, there's just a tad bit of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-24 00:41:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30064032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tposing_sniper/pseuds/tposing_sniper
Summary: Medic doesn't like healing emotional problems. Its not as simple as flicking a switch on a medi-gun; rather it requires time, patience...and Gods, was it dull. It was something he'd done a great job at avoiding, until...Sniper. When the most professional member of the team was reduced to gouging his enemies with a blade as he could no longer shoot his weapon properly, what was he to do? So they talk, and talk...and maybe this whole therapy thing isn't so bad after all.But as Medic enjoyed Sniper's presence, it was causing strain on his other responsibilities and relationships. What did Medic want? Could he fix this broken man, or will he too crumble?
Relationships: Engineer/Medic (Team Fortress 2), Medic/Sniper (Team Fortress 2)
Series: The Caged Dove, and the Rabbit With the Key [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2211780
Comments: 3
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

“MEDIC!”

The cry rang through the battlefield, dragging a sigh from Medic’s lips.

_ Dammit! Another one. Of course. _ Beats of sweat formed on Medic’s brow as he pumped healing into the bleeding Pyro in front of him. Pyro gave Medic a quick pat on the head with a “mmmff!” of thanks, then ran off, fire blazing once again. 

Rubbing his head slightly where the Pryo had touched it, Medic sighed.  _ Strange creature... _

A splatter of bullets distracted him from his pondering. Ducking quickly behind a wall, Medic heard that faint call again. “Medic!”

_ Got to keep moving. _ Glancing quickly around, Medic saw nothing but blood splatter. Still, whoever shot at him would be coming soon. He needed to move, find his injured teammate. He ran, black heeled boots clanging on the tunnel floors. He was deep in the BLU’s base, defending it from RED’s attack. He’d not yet heard the Administrator's scathing voice, so their info must still be secure. 

_ Wunderbar. _ Standing on the upper floor of the base, he gave a quick nod and touch-up to Demoman as he ran by. “Vhere is zhe injured-“ he started to ask but Demoman cut him off.

“Ugly buggers in the pipes, he is. Good luck laddie.”

“Danke.” Again, Medic was running. Worry over the apparent lack of teammates in the base gnawed at him, but he tried to ignore it.  _ Engie’s probably set up a nest vith zhe info...and Spy must be lurking about...oh, vhey must be making a push against RED. Sheisse! I should be vhere!  _

Dashing down the stairs, almost slipping, Medic finally arrived at the pipes. The murky water gurgled at him as he paused for a breath. There was no sign of any of his teammates. Medic sighed in frustration. “Vhat am I doing here...I should be vith Heavy in zhe front!”

“Oi...if you’re here, you might as well be doing your job. Stop bloody complaining, you ain’t the one bleedin’ out.”

Turning around swiftly, Medic was met with a nasty sight. Sniper was curled over in a damp corner, blood slowly pooling out. His signature hat was gone, and orange-tinted glasses were cracked and askew. Despite the obvious pain he was in, Sniper smirked. Feebly moving a gore splattered arm, the Aussie gestured to one of the pipes. Bobbing in the water was the disemboweled body of the RED team’s Scout. From his back stood a gleaming blade.

Medic gave a slight grin of his own. The sight of Scout’s ripped and exposed flesh made Medic’s fingers tingle with excitement. He enjoyed his bloodlust for a brief moment, then fought down his lucidity. He couldn’t get distracted now. He had a job to do.

Turning back to Sniper, he revved his medi-gun. Nearing slightly, his nose twitched at the combined smell of blood and urine. True, they were two components of his own healing mixture, but the Sniper still stunk. As the healing ray hit Sniper's body, the lanky man sighed. His bullet-shot chest closed, and Sniper sprang up, renewed. “‘Preciate it.” 

“No vorries. Now, ve must hurry, zhe others are making a push. Vait, vhat are you doing down here anyway? Vhis is no place for a sniper.”

Sniper scowled. A common look for him, but it just wasn’t the same without his hat. “Look mate, I know. Damn wanker lured me down here. Heh..regret it now, doncha ya mongrel?” Sniper spat at the Scout’s body, and pulled out his Kukri with a wet splotch. “Roighty. Anywho, you said they're making a push? I’ll mind the fort, you git goin’.”

Medic sighed and ran down the pipe _. Oh, I hate getting vet. Unless it’s blood. _ Laughter bubbled up inside of him. He plunged into the grimy water before it could escape. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“That was terrible.  _ Maggots!  _ Do you hear me? Terrible!”

Soldier’s angry cries echoed through the base. Carefully putting away his gear, Medic looked at Engie and rolled his eyes. “Vho do you zhink he’s talking too? Zhe valls, or zhe ceiling?”

Engie smiled, carefully polishing his wrench. “Ah well now, I'd say he’s talking to the inside of his helmet. Seems like he can argue with that bucket for days.”

Both men laughed. Engie’s laugh was smooth and natural, but no matter how hard Medic tried he always ended up a little higher pitched than he would like. 

“Still” Engie continued, placing his wrench down. “We did fail to get RED’s info. Wonder who Spy's gonna blame for this one.”

Medic turned away, frowning. “Doesn’t matter vhat zhat Frenchman zhinks. Did he call another meeting?”

“You betcha he did.” Engie got up and clapped his hands together. His gloves muffled it, but Medic heard the distinct sound of flesh hitting hard metal. 

He grinned to himself. The engineer's choice to cut off his own hand to simply replace it with a robotic one had impressed Medic greatly. He liked that dedication to science. He just wished that Engie had asked him to do the hand-chopping off honours. He had the perfect bonesaw and everything.  _ Oh vell. Maybe one day Engie vill need another limb removed. _

Following the Engineer out of the supply room, Medic felt his hands begin to twitch and fidget. Fingers longed for tools that were no longer there. Sniper had cost him battle-time, making him run across the map.  _ Couldn’t he have just grabbed a medpack? _

_ Speaking of Sniper, zhere he is, zhe schwein.  _ The tanned man gave him a nod, then kept walking.  _ Now zhat I zhink about it, have I ever even healed Sniper before today? I don’t zhink so. Normally he’s very careful vith his positioning, or dead. Maybe I should suggest some experiments he could help me vith as a zhank you...  _ Lost in his thoughts about Sniper’s medically enlarged urinary tract and how it may react with a similar specimen from a baboon, Medic didn’t notice that Engie had stopped. He walked straight into Heavy.

“Oh, sorry about zat.” Medic stumbled back slightly, readjusting his glasses back into place with a gloved hand. 

Heavy just grunted and turned away, walking into the meeting room.  _ Vell, zhat’s odd _ . Medic frowned slightly. Normally Heavy would say something like “Nyet worries doktor!” In that rough accent of his. Him and the heavy had always had a wonderful doctor-patient (that doesn’t mind being experimented on) relationship.  _ Vhat happened? Is he upset vhat I showed up late to zhe rush? Surely he realizes zhat I cannot be in all places at once! _

Medic stood with the others as they waited for Spy to appear. Aside from Engie and Sniper, the other merch seemed to be tossing glares at him. Medic felt his annoyance growing.  _ Vell, zhis is just rude. Miststück.  _

The air simmered at the head of the table. Spy gave the ragtag group a haughty look. “Gentlemen...I suppose this meeting needs no explanation. So does one of you _ imbéciles _ want to explain to me what happened today? Medic, where were you while we rushed?”

All eyes shifted to Medic.

_ Of course, blame support. Zhose bastards.  _ Medic thought furiously. Out loud he defended himself, “Don’t blame me! I vas busy saving Sniper's hide!”

“I see. Bushman, where were you? You were supposed to take out their Heavy. Seems like  _ you _ cost us this victory then.”

Engie shifted his weight on his feet. “Well now, I don’t think blaming each other will accomplish anything here-“

“I was bleeding out, you weasel.” Sniper shot at Spy, cutting Engie off, and apparently recovering from the bus Medic had thrown him under.

“Where? I didn’t see you on the battlefield.” Spy lit a cigarette and looked at the scruffy man in disdain.

“In zhe tunnels.” Medic said helpfully. Once more Sniper was run over.

Spy pinched the bridge of his covered nose. Closing his eyes briefly, the Frenchman exclaimed “What on  _ earth _ were you doing there?”

Sniper didn’t respond. He seemed to sulk deeper into the shadows.

Spy glowered, and took a short drag of his cigarette. “Rrrright. Ok, let’s just say that _ both  _ of you cost us this victory. I ‘promote’ you two to clean up duty. Any objections?”

Medic spluttered in German. _ Zhe audacity! I vas just doing my fucking job!  _

None of the other mercs said anything. “Fine! You are all ungrateful asses!” Medic stormed out of the room.

_ Clean up duty! A man of my talents, scrubbing valls and floors! Zhere are so many experiments I have to put on hold now. _

“Heyyy, cheer up pallie.” A small hand patted his shoulder. Scout had caught up to him. Curse his speedy legs. How Medic longed to separate their fibers, see each string on his leg muscles quiver.  _ Vhat lovely tunes I could draw out of zhem vith the right treatment and bow... _

Oblivious of Medic’s dark desires, the cheeky boy grinned. “Spy puts me on cleanup all the time, ya know. Bout time someone else does it. And look, you already got the gloves!” 

Medic sighed and brushed off the laughing merc. “Zhese are medical gloves, not some common vashing...oh vhatever.” He muttered.

He made it to his quarters without further interference from his “pallies”. Opening his bird cage carefully, he released Archimedes. The white dove cooed at him softly, and perched on his bedpost. Medic stroked the soft feathers in quiet contemplation.  _ Fucking Sniper...getting me into zhis bullshit. Still.....Sniper doesn’t seem to be behaving like himself, letting himself get taunted like zhat...hardly ‘professional.’ And it’s dragging down zhe team, myself included. Perhaps...as ve vork togther, I can fix vhatever is vrong in that sun-baked head of his. _ “Oh, Archimedes...” The bird blinked his dewy eyes at him. “I do hope it’s not a mental problem. Fixing physical vounds is so much more fun.”


	2. Chapter 2

Medic's dreams were damp. He was back in the pipes, standing in the midst of the sluggish water. As he looked around, the water turned to blood. Suddenly rising up, the blood overtook him. He floundered in the salty liquid, drowning. Medic woke up laughing, hands clutching his throat weakly. His laughter faded to wheezes as he slowly took in his surroundings. He was in his room. Dry. 

_ Hah...blood... _ The thought made Medic dizzy.  _ Today...I vill spill blood.  _ His heart ached in longing, to feel the blade under his fingers, to hear blood spurt as he worked his nimble hands.  _ Vhat should I vork on today? Something vith blood...arteries? how long it takes to die when split open perhaps? Or calculate the amount of pain...For vhis I’ll need some buckets... _

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Herr Soldier, my good friend! Might you lend me a bucket?”

Soldier glared at him suspiciously. “Why? How do you heal with a bucket? Besides, they are mine!”

“Yes yes, I know they are yours." Medic was careful to use small words. “I need it for...a special mission. It will return victorious, in a few hours.”

“Victory! For America! Good! I will get you a worthy bucket.” With a sharp salute Soldier rushed off to find the shiniest bucket for its ‘mission’.

“Nice to see you taking an active role in your duties” The French accent appeared behind a cloud of smoke. 

“Spy.” Medic waved away the smoke, wrinkling his nose slightly. “Vhatever do you mean? Vhen it comes to practicing medicine I am always active-“

Spy laughed, cold and smooth as one of his knives. “ _ Mon amie _ , do you not remember? I speak of your cleaning duties.”

_ Oh scheisse _ . Medic had forgotten, so preoccupied with his dream and subsequent ideas. He wasn’t going to let Spy know though. Clearing his throat, Medic put on a dismissive air. “Of course I haven’t. Vhis demeaning task vill be dealt vith swiftly. Zhough it vould be a shame if my healing vhere to be affected by distractions such as vhis...aim can be so fickle sometimes, you know?"

Spy’s eyes narrowed. The threat was not lost on him. “Indeed. I most certainly hope that does not happen,  _ mon amie _ , for both our sakes. Good day.” The air shimmered, and Spy was gone.  _ Good.  _

There was a sudden crash as Soldier, reentering the room, ran into solid air. (The air is a spy!) Soldier got up amongst muffled French curses, his prized bucket slightly dented. “I have crashed into something. Here is the bucket.”

Medic took the bucket with a smirk. “ _ Danke _ .” He said gravelly. “It shall serve its purpose well.” 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Or not._ Medic thought sulkily as he filled the would-be-blood bucket with soapy water. _Soon._ _Soon this vill be over. And Spy vill pay with more zhan a bruised forehead._ Picking up a mop, Medic made his way down to the lower layers of the base where most of the fighting had taken place. The walls were gory and splattered with crusted blood. Medic sighed and began to mop. _It’s just not ze same, cleaning blood. I’d much raver spill it..._ Medic let himself get lost in crimson-stained fantasies as the smell of blood and rhythmic work overtook him. 

“Bloody hell mate. For someone who threw a fit yesterday, you almost seem to be enjoying this.” A rough voice shook him from his daydreams. 

Medic glared up at Sniper. “Oh, zhere you are. Took you long enough. And I did not zhrow a ‘fit’ yesterday.”

“Roight. Call it what you want.” Sniper started rubbing flakes of blood off the wall with a filthy rag.

Continuing to clean the floor, Medic huffed at the slouching man. “Vell, vhat do you call abandoning your post because a  _ Schweinehund  _ taunted you? Zhought you were a ‘professional’?”

That stung. Sniper himself couldn’t hit a mark that directly. Sniper glowered. “That’s none of your concern, wanker. It was a stupid mistake, that’s all.”

“Oh really?” Medic leaned on the mop handle slightly towards him. “A mistake vhat goes against your entire shtick. As a doctor, you must understand vhy I’m more vhen a little intrigued.”

When Sniper failed to answer, Medic sighed. “Look, you cost us zhe match. As zhe medic, I’m supposed to fix stuff like vhis. Administration gets testy vhen I don’t.”

“I don’t see you jumping to fix Demoman's alcoholism. Or Pyro’s madness.” Sniper muttered.

“Both of zhose zhings makes zhem more effective killers.” Medic countered. “Vhatever is eating at you is hindering you, and vhus the team.”

Sniper sighed, stood up, and faced Medic head on. Tired, baggy eyes under a spare cowboy hat met dark eyes whose pupils were a tad too small.

“Look, bugger, I don’t know what’s wrong. I just feel angry and tense lately,  _ all _ the time. I try to steady my scope but...” Sniper gritted his teeth. “The damn thing won’t stop shaking! And that speedy wanker, he kept going on about it! Cunt got what he deserved. Piss.”

Medic wasn’t sure if the last word was an example or just a cuss. He decided not to think more into it. Sniper averted his gaze from Medic’s. “So, what is it Doc? Bloody fix me. I can’t go on like this, not being able to shoot my own damn gun...”

Medic thought for a second. “Vhis vill require...examination. Vhich I can’t do here. Perhaps ve can go to my operating room?”

“Hold on. I ain’t one of your bloody test subjects.” 

“Oh no, of course not...but surely a routine check can’t hurt? Just to see if everything’s vorking as intended.” Medic tried to look as non-threatening and non-eager as possible. 

It didn’t work. Sniper gave him a dry look. “If you get a stiffy, I’ll cut it off.” He warned.

Medic rolled his eyes, choosing to ignore the comment. He looked at the half-finished cleaning job surrounding them. “Vell, zhis looks good enough. Please, follow me.”

“I know where your bloody room is.” Sniper grumbled, following Medic nonetheless. 

“Oh? I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure yet.” Medic looked over at Sniper, scanning him. No, he would have remembered working on such tough skin.

Sniper shuddered. “Don’t say “pleasure” you quack. Ah yea, I’ve got this whole bloody place mapped out.”

“I see.” Medic and Sniper lapsed into silence. Medic thought about how he could slit some arteries without Sniper realizing. 

Hesitantly Sniper got onto the operating table. Medic nodded in satisfaction and began preparing the medi-ray, which would keep Sniper stable as he dug around in him. Comfortable in his element, Medic began to hum, an old German song long forgotten, or perhaps never truly known. He was just about done preparing when- 

“Now hold on Doc, why are you taking off your gloves? Shouldn’t that-“

“Ooh, do not fret. Zhe gloves must come off, otherwise zhey might become dirty!” Medic paused as a thought struck him. “Ooh, I should fetch Archimedes. He  _ does  _ love a good operation. Tell you vhat- take off your shirt vhile I go get him.”

“Don’t bring that blasted bird in here you bloody wanker-!” But it was too late, Medic was already off to fetch his feathered companion and co-surgeon. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Archimedes perched on his shoulder, Medic reentered his favourite place. He was stopped in his tracks by a lean back. Faint scars rippled over wiry muscles. The way his spine moved as he turned...

“What’s wrong doc? Expecting something else?”

“Oh, no. Uhm....” Medic quickly strode past the half-naked Sniper. He felt his face burn as he faced his cart of tools.  _ Ngk...niedlich… _

Giving himself a small shake (nearly dislodging Archi) Medic closed his eyes briefly. “Right. Please lie down on your back.” Medic turned around, praying that his face wasn’t red. Hopefully Sniper would mistake it for excitement over the surgery.

“‘K. So what are you going to be doing, exactly?”

“Oh....” Medic's voice suddenly went smooth. His body seemed to relax as his fingers danced above his tools. “Just peeking about, here and zhere. Zhe medi ray vill prevent you from dying, don’t vorry.” With a steady clang Medic turned it on. The machine began to hum and pump healing into Sniper's prone body.

Overhealed, Sniper shifted worriedly. “Will it...hurt?”

The chuckling began, and a crazed look took over Medic's face. His wide smile and pinpoint pupils filled Sniper's vision as Medic reached for his scalpel. “Oh, not scared of pain, are ve?” The blade entered and the first blood splurged out. Soon the room was filled with laughter and screams.

Medic's fingers flew. Blood, guts, organs, bones slid through his hungry hands. The air was filled with the delicious smell of flesh and mortality. The room had gone silent, aside from the occasional outburst of giggling as Medic stumbled across a gallbladder or an oversized kidney. Archi settled comfortably in the unconscious Sniper’s liver, cooing and taking stabs at it occasionally.

Far too quickly, the “check up” was over. While his urinary tract had provided lovely play, Sniper ultimately had the same human organs as everyone else, and they appeared to be in order. Content with how much blood rested on his hands, Medic felt his euphoria settle to where it was controlled again. 

“Vell.” He murmured. “Zhat was fun. Just what zhe doctor ordered.” Chuckling sanely at his joke, Medic peered at Snipers passed out face.

“Aw, poor “bugger” couldn’t handle it after all. Now let’s see...”

With a few pushes of a button, the medi ray went from ‘stabilize’ to ‘heal’. Archi nimbly flew out of Sniper’s chest as it closed.

“Zhere. Not a mark.” Medic went to pat Sniper's chest, but found he couldn’t lift his hand. His drying bloodstained fingers lingered on Sniper's bare chest. Medic looked down in surprise as he felt the hair, and taunt skin underneath.  _ He feels so...so good? _ Medic was at a loss for words. He wanted to touch Sniper more, to feel more of the heat radiating off his tanned body. _ Vhat is zhis...feeling? Flesh but... _

“Ughhhh....doc, whadda doin? Is it....over?” Sniper groggily looked up at him, and then at Medic's hand, which was still on his chest.

“Ah...” Medic hastily removed his hand. A faint handprint of blood revealed where it had laid. “It is indeed over. I must say, you have terrible pain tolerance compared to Heavy.”

“Gah...I'd be surprised if that tub o’ lard can feel anything. So...did you fix me?”

“Do you feel any better?”

Sniper sat up. He frowned. “No, I don’t. Piss.”

“Bathroom down zhe hall. I must say, your urinary tract is quite something-”

“It’s just a saying. Pis- _ fuck off _ .”

“Alright, no need to get testy...vell,  _ I  _ personally feel fantastic. Zhat vas a great pick-me-up.” Medic stroked a bloodstained Archi fondly, smearing even more of Sniper's blood on him accidentally. 

Sniper got up and began dressing. Medic felt a stab of disappointment, although he couldn’t place why. Sniper scoffed. “Sooo glad you feel better mate. Cuz that’s what this was all about. Fixing  _ your _ bloody problems.”

“Pun intended?”

“What? Look, cunt, this was a waste of time. You failed. I’m still broken.”

“Vell now, it doesn’t appear to be anything physical...vhich can only mean one thing....” Medics face darkened. Such a sudden shift unnerved Sniper. He gulped, all bravado gone. “W-what Doctor?”

“It’s something  _ mental. _ The one thing my medi-gun can’t fix.” Medic slammed his fist on a nearby tray, causing the instruments on it to jump. “ _ Sohn einer Hündin _ ! Of course it vould be!”

Sniper looked at Medic in confusion. “Well, duh. Course it is. I’m all stressed out for no bloody good reason.”

“Do you not see how irritating zhis is?” Medic wrung his hands in frustration. “Fixing mental vounds takes time! Involves zherapy! Pain in the _ arsch _ !”

Sniper sighed. “Look doc, I'm desperate. I’ll take any help I can get, so if you can take the time...if you think it’ll work...I'd really appreciate it.”

_ But zhats boringggg  _ Medic mentally screamed. Out loud he relented. “Fine. Very vell. I suppose I have no choice in ze matter...just fixing a tool now so it won’t hinder me later.”

“A tool? That’s what you see me as, Doc?”

“That’s what we all are.'' Medic grumbled, putting away his literal tools less than enthusiastically.  _ You all are. Tools for my exploration of zhe body. I’ve cut zhree arteries in you today, Sniper, measured zhe blood flow, and healed zhem back up. You, zhe tool, gained nothing. Velcome to zhe vorld. _

“So...ve need a place to talk. Somewhere you vill be comfortable.”

“Alrighty. I know a place. You aren’t afraid of heights, are you?”


	3. Chapter 3

Medic stood on a balcony jutting precariously from the BLU base. Below him the wind billowed, sending the orange sand flying through the air. He could see why Sniper favoured this place. It was secluded and high up. Here Sniper could pick and choose his victims with ease. Far cry from the cramped tunnels and pipes. 

Beside him, Sniper leaned on a wooden railing. From his pocket the Aussie produced a worn box of cigarettes. Taking one, he offered the box to Medic.

“Dart?” 

“Oh...no  _ danke _ .”

“Please, I insist. You want me to be comfortable, roight?”

Inwardly, Medic knew it was a power play. Sniper was desperately trying to retake some semblance of control over Medic, after he was rendered helpless by the doctor's hand. “Fine.” He relented, taking one.

Satisfied, Sniper lit his, and took a drag. Borrowing Sniper’s lighter, Medic followed suit. The two men stood in silence for a moment, letting their smoke mingle in the air.

“So...have you heard from family recently?”

“Are you trying to make small talk with me, doctor?”

“No no. Family can be zhe cause of many problems. A recent death? Disagreement?”

“Oh..” Sniper scowled. “Nah, nothing really. Pa an’ Ma ain’t fond of what I do, sure, but that’s old news. And no recent deaths, far as I kno’ of.”

“Sickness zhen? Anything coming to mind?”

“Piss. Nope. Family’s swell.”

“Hmm…” Medic tapped his chin.  _ Zhis is going nowhere.  _ “Tell me more of your father. He doesn’t approve of vhat you do?”

“Yea...” Sniper sighed. “He just doesn’t git it. Thinks I’m mad, just killing whoever.”

“And zhis distance from your father, does it bother you? Enough so vhen you go to kill someone, it causes you to shake because you know your father disapproves?”

“Blimey...never thought about it like that. But me an’ pa been distant for a long time. Don’t make sense for it to bugger me up now.” Medic watched the ashes crawl up the cigarette as Sniper inhaled. He never took him for a smoker...

_ Focus _ . “Hm. So, I’m summarizing that vhen you go to kill, you shake, causing you to miss your mark. Zhus you become irritable and stressed. Family does not seem to be zhe cause. Sound right?”

Sniper shrugged. “Guess so...it’s not so much the kill though, I feel. Just… handling my gun. Oh, and just the hands shake, mind you. I ain’t a big ol’ quivering mess.”

“Perhaps zhe killer regrets vhat he’s become...” Medic murmured to himself.

“Eh, what’s that? God yer accent is thick.”

“Oh  _ bitte _ , it’s not  _ zhat  _ terrible. And do not vorry, I vas just zhinking out loud.”

“...’K.”

“Anyway...” Medic let loose a slow exhale. The smoke tasted almost sweet on his lips. French? “Zhats enough for one day, I feel.”  _ I need to check if zhose organs I ordered came in yet... _

“That was over pretty fuckin quick.”

“Ah vell...ve can have more of zhese meetings until you are fixed, no vorries.”

“Alright. If ya say so, doctor.”

Although both men vocalized the end of the conversation, neither left. Medic sighed, feeling the smoke curl out of his nose.  _ Gods, zhis is terrible for me. _

Sniper was chewing on the end of his cigarette.“Say doc...what’s yer parents like?”

“Ve don’t speak.”  _ Hard to speak vithout a tongue... _

“Ah, they think you're a crazed psychotic too?”

Medic gave Sniper a look. “... _ Ja _ . Because...I am. Is zhis news? You do know vhat I do for fun,  _ ja _ ?”

Sniper was silent for a moment, then took a long drag on his cigarette. “You’re sick mate, ya know that? Doctor that’s sick in the head. Piss.”

Medic flicked some ashes. “Vhat, you zhink your mental state is any better? Ve kill people. At least I don’t deny my true feelings.”

Sniper shrugged. “A job’s a job mate. I ain’t...enjoying it. Getting lost in emotions. Not  _ crazed _ like the rest of you wankers.”

Medic turned sharply towards Sniper. “Do you really believe that?” Medic felt his temper start to rise as Sniper spouted his bullshit. His voice went hard. “You really zhink you don’t have emotions zhen it comes to killing? I’ve seen your smug grin vhen you land a headshot. I’ve heard your amused taunts to your dead victims. You ‘get lost in emotion’,” Medic felt his voice rising as he took a step closer to Sniper. “Just as much as zhe rest of us! You just don’t want to admit it because you zhink being more “professional” zhen zhe rest of us somehow makes you better." Medic spat the words, his face nearly an inch away from Sniper. "Zhen us!”

Fists balled, Sniper spat his cigarette at Medic, causing the Doctor to flinch back slightly. “Don’t act like you know me, you fucking cunt.” Sniper’s words were low and dangerous. This was different from the anger directed at the unlucky Scout. Medic’s words struck Sniper deep, challenging core parts of his sense of self. “ _ I ain’t mad. _ I don’t kill in anger, or for joy, or whatever you fucking loons kill for. You wanker think you can understand me? Just cuz yer a doctor? Fix your _ own _ bleedin’ head first!”

Medic laughed scornfully. “Never kill in anger you say? Tell zhat to zhe poor RED Scout! Fine zhen, live in denial if zhat’s vhat lets you sleep at night. Just as Pyro lives in a dream world and Demoman in a bottle, you go and blind yourself too, you  _ fool _ .”

Medic strode away, pausing to toss his cigarette butt over the edge of the balcony. The wind whistled as the two stood in silence for a moment, Sniper facing Medics exposed back. 

“I am  _ trying _ to help you.” Medic's voice was low. His body slumped in defeat as his frustration resided. “But if you won’t listen...I hope your varped sense of self is steady enough to hold a gun, because your emotions aren’t. You’re a so-called _ professional _ ? You can’t even shoot a gun right anymore. If it’s truly a ‘job’ to you, you should be fired.”

Coat billowing, Medic starting walking away. He didn’t want to hear Sniper's response. He was not so lucky.

“Wait.”

Medic paused, still not turning around.

“You...don’t consider this a job?” Sniper seemed bewildered.

Medic felt his fingers inch, his heart begging for blood. Beneath the surface was a monster waiting to be let out. The beast purred. “No, I do not. It’s more of...a playground, vhere beasts die, respawn, and die again. Zhe quicker you realize it’s just a  _ game _ , zhe better you’ll feel, Sniper. Trust me.”

Finally, Medic left Sniper. He walked down the empty hallways, chewing on his lip.  _ Sniper is more of a mess zhen I zhought. He has standards, rules...but vhey cannot zhrive here, vhere death is common, and chaos expected. _

The air shimmered in front of him, and Spy appeared. He sniffed the air, and looked at Medic in surprise. “You’ve been smoking. That’s odd for you.”

Medic considered telling Spy to fuck off, but he just didn’t have the energy. “I’ve had an odd day.” Medic tried to walk past him, but Spy grabbed his shoulder. 

“Please,  _ mon amie _ , tell me more” he purred. “Would this odd day include Sniper by any chance? The very fellow who I gave that particular brand of smoke I smell on your lips?”

Frowning, Medic shrugged Spy off. “Ve talked, yes. He asked me for help in fixing a little stress problem.”  _ So it's your fault he smokes. Figures. _

“Oh? And how did that go?”

“Not vell. He refuses to admit that he kills vith emotion. That he’s not as ‘professional’ as he zhinks.”

Spy laughed. That was a man who couldn’t hide his love of killing, no matter who he dressed up as. “Oh, what a fool, that bushman. Still, thank you for trying, I suppose. Odd to see you perform in an area of medicine that doesn’t include some open wounds though.”

Polishing his glasses, Medic sighed. “Yes, vell it’s been a rather large vaste of my time. Mental problems.” He waved his glasses absentmindedly. “Tricky stuff. Zhe body, much more simplistic. Open, close.”

Spy chuckled. “Shouldn’t it just be ‘closed’? Ah,  _ c’est la vie _ .  I’ll see you around, Medic.” He nodded and disappeared.

Medic rubbed his neck, unconsciously checking his pulse. He waited a few seconds for Spy’s footfalls to fade, then continued down.

_ Vonder if he’s seen zhe half-ass cleaning job. Vell, fuck him. _

  
  


\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sniper had been avoiding Medic since their fight. In the brief glimpses Medic did see of him before he left the room, he looked pale and drawn, indicating a lack of sleep.  _ Vhat’s keeping him up at night? Surely not my vords…  _ Medic had heard from Scout that Sniper was more agitated than usual, and had nearly attacked the younger man after his teasing went too far. Medic had laughed it off, reassuring Scout that it was nothing to worry about. Despite his words, Medic did worry. Sniper had enough on his plate to have to deal with Medic as well.  _ He asked me to help him zhough! How am I supposed to help him vhen he doesn’t listen to me, and zhen avoids me? _ Medic let out a sigh of frustration. He would have to deal with it  _ later.  _ More important things were happening right now.

“Spy sappin’ my sentry!” Engie’s frustrated voice rang out across the building. RED had made it into the BLU’s base. 

Cursing softly, Medic ran to where Engie had called out. The engineer was the last barrier to break before RED had their info. Hopefully Pyro was backing him up. Medic had seen them skip down there earlier. 

Rounding the corner, Medic was met with a gruesome sight. Engie was checking the dead body of the RED Demoman, shotgun in hand. Behind him was the mangled body of the RED spy. Bits of pieces of limbs and clothing were spread across the room. Blood oozed out, gathering at the feet of...Sniper. The lean man was dripping with blood splatter, gory Kukri in hand. He looked up at Medic's foot falls. Blood dripped from his rimmed hat as he greeted the doctor with baggy eyes.

“Hey doc...” the sniper's voice was faint. 

“Sniper.”

“Don’t say it. You were right. God you were right. Fuck. Fuck fuckfuck _ fuck _ -!” Sniper had resumed stabbing the corpse with every ‘fuck’. Finally, he broke off panting, tears in his eyes. “You were right.” He whispered. “I couldn’t get your words out of my head...I had to check and.....you were right. I...do kill with emotions. Feelings. When I looked at the RED Spy...” Sniper broke off, shuddering. Clearly he had snapped, and now regretted it.

“Welcome to the club, son. But didja have to make such a mess?” Engie picked his way over, trying to avoid the bits of RED Spy around.

“Now now Engie, Sniper’s made good progress here. He acknowledged zhat he has emotions, and acts on zhem vhile killing. Good first step.”  _ Vhy, how unexpected! This is vonderful.  _

Sniper looked anything but wonderful. He needed a drink and a shower. “Imma go for a dip in the pipes." he muttered, stumbling off, blood soaked clothes drying stiffly to his lean body. 

“Oh Sniper, before you go” Medic called out. “Might we schedule another meeting?” _ He’s made progress...maybe zhis is zhe breakzhrough he needed.  _

“Send a pigeon.” Sniper called back before turning around the corner.

“Zhey’re doves.” Medic muttered. Engie came up behind him, and patted a gloved hand on his shoulder. Robot joints creaked underneath. 

“So pardner, what’s this I hear about a meeting? And you being right?” Engie gave Medic a curious smile.

The doctor smirked. “Vell, I’m always right! But yes, Sniper has been having troubles, so he came to me for zhearpy.”

“Therapy? That’s a mighty strange thing to hear about, especially with Sniper. Poor dog must be desperate.”

“Yes, he is.” Medic laughed. Remembering his duties, he revved up his medigun, and started pouring healing to Engie. The engineer's face softened as he was restored.

“‘Preciate it, Doc. I caught the tail end of the eyehole’s bombs.”

“No vorries. I suppose I must be off, lest Spy try to put me on cleaning duty again.” Medic looked at the gore-splattered floor and shuddered. _ I don’t envy the poor sap vho has to clean zhis. _

“Ah, yeah.” Engie crouched down and began laying the framework for a new sentry. Well-practiced hands twisted wires methodically. “You go ahead. I’m good here”

With a nod, Medic left. As he walked, he felt himself smiling. He was right! And was going to talk to Sniper again!  _ Vhy do I feel so...happy? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having Sniper call cigarettes 'darts' to tie in Sniper's Aussie upbringing! Totally not because I don't know how to properly spell cigarettes, and darts is much quicker and easier to type aha why would you think that?


	4. smut chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smutsmutsmutsmutsmut
> 
> but also adding to the plot, so pay attention ;)

Late at night in his bed, Medic found he couldn’t sleep. Whenever he closed his eyes, all he saw was the blood soaked sniper...how through the wet clothes his muscles were defined...Ngk. Medic’s undergarments twitched. It was clear that this situation wasn’t going away. 

Stumbling awkwardly out of the covers, Medic stood. Dressed in nothing but rapidly tightening boxers, he shivered slightly as his flesh was exposed to cold air. Careful to make sure none of the other men saw him, he made his way down the hallway. Leaning onto a door, he whispered, “Engie? Mind if I come in?”

The door creaked open, light spilling into the dark hall. Engie stood, dressed in silk pyjamas. He eyed Medic's exposed form up and down, and gave a low whistle. Medic felt his cheeks burn. Engie smiled coyly. “Well, of course pardner. I’d love your...company.”

That was all it took. Engie quickly shut the door behind Medic, and pulled him to the bed. Clothes were thrown to the floor and soon they were entwined, Engie on top kissing Medic passionately. Medic responded, rubbing his bare hands all over Engie’s warm body. Engie’s kisses headed downwards, tracing lines through Medic's chest. Medic stroked Engie’s cheek, so slowly it sent shivers down the Texan man's spine. Engie placed his hands in the curves of Medic's cum gutters, and Medic felt his hips buck.

“Now, hold on pal.” Engie whispered huskily. He carefully peeled Medic’s boxers down, until his  _ würstchen _ popped up. Thin precum dribbled down the thick rod. 

“Wow, you just couldn’t wait, could ya?”

Medic blushed darker as Engie began stroking with his human hand. “I-I...oh!  _ Gütiger Gott!  _ Fuck!”

Smirking at the flushing German, Engie slowly licked the base of Medic’s cock. It trembled in anticipation. All of a sudden, Medic was inside Engie. The engineer's expert tongue did wonders, rubbing and probing his sweet sweet cock. Medic bit his lip hard as he moaned faint German curses.  _ Damn he's good at zhis! _

Medic’s hips bucked again. “Engie...I’m...” Medic gasped out. The warning came too late, and hot cum spilled down Engie’s throat. 

“Ah....” Engie sighed, removing his mouth from the now-drooping penis. He licked his lips, savouring the taste of Medic. 

He crawled up, until he was lying next to the still panting German. Admiring Medic’s rosy cheeks, Engie grinned. “You blush so easily, ya know.”

Medic smiled back, entwining his legs with Engie. His glasses were askew. “I know. Engie... _ danke.” _

“Just what the doctor ordered eh?” The overused joke said, Engie planted a faint kiss on Medic's lips. “No problem. You know you’re welcome anytime. Although, normally, you give me a little foreplay. What was the occasion that caused you to burst in here, already primed and ready?”

“I thought of you earlier today, how you handled that shotgun...” Medic murmured, nuzzling into the crook of Engie’s neck.

“Ah, rarely get to see me in action, eh? Well, I’m happy to be of...service.” Both men chuckled tiredly. Soon Medic was asleep. Engie fondly removed his glasses. He lightly stroked Medic's chest, sighing.

“I love you, pardner.” 

The words slipped out from the engineer's lips before he could tie them back. They were dangerous words, containing the weight of promises that couldn’t be filled in the environment they lived in. Where death could happen at every moment, sex was nothing more then forbidden pleasure...at least that’s how it should be. How Medic and Engie started. But then Engie had to fall in love with the German sawbones _. Does Med feel the same way? He calls me Engie...and kisses passionately enough. But...I suppose only time can tell. I’ll just have to be content with this. _

Engie looked at Medic’s relaxed figure and smiled. For now, this was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's a bit short! I wanted to keep the smut separated from the non-smut so...separate chapters :)


	5. Chapter 5

When Medic woke, Engie was gone. Fair enough, the merc has plenty to do. Medic felt an odd sense of relief at Engie's absence. It had hurt to lie to him last night, but what could Medic do? To tell the truth would ruin everything. Despite Medic’s growing....feelings towards Sniper, he quite enjoyed his relationship with Engie. The man was kind, a rare trait desperately craved by Medic. To have someone care about him...

Shaking himself, Medic, still mostly naked, snuck out of Engie's room to his own. Soon he was fully dressed, and with the doves fed, it was time to start the day. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Washing his gloves, Medic sighed. It was another long day. His face was blood smeared, unfortunately most of it from his own teammates. They had stood their ground, but barely. The newly refreshed RED Demoman had wreaked havoc. Poor Engie’s hand was raw and bleeding from trying to save his sentries, only to have them explode in his face. Medic would have to take a look at it. No doubt the Engineer was hard at work right now, tinkering and fixing his robotic limb, which had also taken heavy damage. Medic had a slight suspicion that if the respawn machine was just 5% more stable, Engie would die just to avoid the hassle. Unfortunately, the slight unpredictability of the machine (There's a chance that you won't come back) meant it was used as sparingly as possible.

The locker room door opened, and Spy sauntered up to Medic. “Doctor...We could have really used a functional Sniper during that fight. I thought you were working with him?”

The crimson water rippled as Medic scrubbed his face. The salty tang of blood slipped through his lips, causing his tongue to flick out involuntarily. “Ja, vell...it's a work in progress. Vhy don’t you talk to him yourself, if you’re so concerned?”

If Medic had been looking at Spy, he would have seen the ripple of discomfort pass through the frenchman. Blinded by the water, all he noticed was an unusually long pause. “Spy?” Medic wiped his face, and put on his glasses. Spy was nowhere in sight, which did not necessarily mean he was gone. “Oh...bye zhen.”  _ He's right...if Sniper had taken out zhe RED Demoman, zhe battle vould have ended very differently. I’ll have to go find him… _

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Medic walked quietly through the base. Most of the mercs had retired to either the common area or to their rooms. The doctor didn't know where Sniper went, so he headed for the balcony. It was Sniper’s favourite spot, after all. 

Reaching the top, Medic squinted as the setting sun hit his eyes. It lit the desert ablaze, sending dark shadows and bright lights streaking across the land. Shielding his eyes from the glare, Medic called out. “Sniper? You here?”

No answer. Medic slumped down across a beam, exhausted from the day's trails. The roof shadowed him somewhat, but the light still bothered him. _ No vonder vhy Sniper vears sunglasses... _

He sat for a while, letting the heat of the desert lull him into sleep. With a start, he woke up shivering. It was dark out, and the temperature had dropped. Rubbing his eyes sleepily, he looked out past the balcony railing. Stars glowed faintly, scattered across the black sky. A gentle breeze brushed his cheek, teasing his hair. “Oof...vhat time is it?” Medic mumbled to himself, fixing his drooping glasses.

“Quarter to four, I reckon. Though it's hard to tell withou’ the sun.” A dry voice just outside his ear said. 

Medic reacted instinctively, spinning around and lurching away at the same time. His bonesaw was in his hands before he thought of it, pointed directly at the dark shadow’s chest. 

“Whoa!  _ Easy _ , mate! It's Sniper!” The shadow lifted a hand, sparking a lighter in the other. The small glow clearly outlined the rugged Aussie’s face. 

Medic lowered the bonesaw, sighing. He slumped back down. “Sorry. You startled me.”

“Yea, I gathered that much.” Sniper grumbled, lighting a few candles that sat next to him. Soon the small balcony was illuminated, and both men could see each other clearly. 

Sniper gestured to Medic's hand, where the bonesaw still rested. “You gonna put that away, or…?”

“Are you a spy?” Medic knew it was stupid to outright ask, but as the adraline wore off he felt his tiredness returning. 

“Blimey, no. You're bonkers. If I was a spy I would have killed you already.”

“Alright…” Medic put his weapon away, a tad disappointed at its lack of use. His disappointment didn’t last long as he realized Sniper was sitting next to him!  _ Vhen did that happen? _

“Vhat are you doing here?”

Using one of the candles, Sniper lit a cigarette. He took a short inhale before answering. “I could ask ya the same thing mate. Why yer out here sleepin’ on  _ my _ balcony.”

“I vas looking for you, to have another meeting…I guess I vas pretty tired after zhat shitshow of a battle yesterday.”

Sniper looked away, guilt flitting past his face. “Roight…” he mumbled. 

The two men sat, inches apart, staring at the stars. Candlelight flickered, catching on the rims of glasses and tips of belt buckles. The faint smell of Snipers ‘dart’ tickled Medic’s nose... Medic almost wished the Aussie had offered him one. Almost.

“So...vhy are you out here at four am?”

Sniper made a low sound, almost a growl. “Couldn’t sleep. Can’t sleep...kept thinkin’ ‘ow I fucked it all up again yesterday.”

“Ah...do you vant to talk now? Ve’re both here…”

Sniper crushed his stub, sighing. “No...not right now. I just want to...look at the stars.”

The stars twinkled as the men watched them. Despite his statement, Sniper soon spoke up again. 

“Doc, why’d ya want me to admit I like killing so bad?”

“It’s simple, really.” Medic murmured, lazily watching the sky. “You need to understand yourself before you can fix yourself.”

“Is that so. Huh.” Sniper hummed in thought, chewing on his cigarette. He soon fell into silence again, and Medic let him.

It was peaceful, watching long-dead celestials sparkle in the early morning. The candles blew out, and neither man relit then. Settling among the darkness, almost dozing off again, Medic noticed pressure on his shoulder. Turning slightly, Medic saw in surprise that Sniper had fallen asleep, and had slumped over onto Medic.

Medic felt his face blush as the creeping sunrise started to illuminate Sniper’s face. Asleep, it softened. Faint breaths tickled Medic's ear as the exhausted man finally rested.

_ He’s...sleeping. Zhat is good. Uhm…  _ Medic found he couldn’t think, couldn’t move. He sat in blissful, bashful stillness as the stars left and were replaced by the Sun. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Surprisingly, Sniper didn’t snore. For such a rugged voice, he was almost deathly quiet while unconscious.  _ Quiet man avake , quiet man asleep… _ Medic mused. His arm was asleep where Sniper was resting on it.  _ Should I vake him? It must be past dawn now. _

Sniper answered that question for him, startling awake. “Ga-a-ah!” He was suddenly gasping and panting, clutching Medic’s leg  _ hard _ . Through the Aussie’s tanned hand, Medic felt Sniper’s rapid pulse.

The tight grip on his leg was beginning to hurt. “Ouch...nightmare?” Medic asked slowly, trying not to startle Sniper further. 

Sniper looked at Medic, wide eyes narrowing as he remembered where he was. He released Medic’s leg quickly. “Piss, sorry mate! Yea. Bugger of a dream. Uh...damn it got bright.”

“Indeed it did.” Medic shifted slightly, rotating his numb arm that Sniper had been resting on. Faint pins and needles started to travel down it. “Vell,  _ guten morgen _ . Vhat say ve get some breakfast, and zhen we can talk? Unless you have other plans.”  _ Just gonna glaze past zhe fact you slept on me... _

“Roight. Therapy shit. Uh, sure. Meet you here in...an hour?”

“Perfect.” Medic felt a stab of disappointment that they weren’t going to be eating together. He got up stiffly, regretting each movement that took him away from Sniper. _ Zhis morning...vas so lovely...but good zhings can’t last forever. _

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taking a shortcut to the dining room, Medic was surprised to find Archi fluttering towards him. The bird landed lightly on his recently awakened shoulder. “Archimedes! Vhat are you doing out of your cage?” Medic scolded him gently, giving him a loving stroke nonetheless. 

“Sorry pardner. I sent ‘im lose, lookin’ fer you.” Engie rounded the corner, frowning. “You didn’t show last night, so I got worried. Checked your room this morn’, you weren’t there either.”

“Oh I’m so sorry!” Medic gasped, guilt washing over him.“I vas supposed to look at your hand! Agh, I got distracted, I’m so s-“

Engie cut him off with a kiss. Medic returned it, drawing into Engie’s warmth, before breaking off and cautiously checking their surroundings. They were alone, except for Archi.

“Hey, it’s ok.” Engie gently guided Medic’s face back to his. “You’re busy. I know you didn’t mean any harm. I’m just glad to see you again.”

Medic chuckled. “I vasn’t gone zhat long…”

“Long enough, pardner. Now, have you eaten? Let’s get some food in ya. After we make sure ol’ Archi is put away safely, course.”

“You know...” Medic commented as they walked down the hallway together. “I didn’t even eat dinner last night. Vhoops.”

“Medddd.” Engie’s voice was both exasperated and fond. “You of all people know that ain’t healthy. Comon’. I’ll fix ya some eggs, Texan style.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Medic smiled as he dug into a plate of eggs with Engie. The man was...kind. He looked out for him, cared about him. Medic could be happy with Engie, and  _ was  _ happy with him. But as he ate, he saw the dark shadow of a cowboy hat lurk by the fridge, then vanish. Something drew Medic to Sniper...he wasn’t sure what but...the feeling was growing more persistent by the day. And it certainly didn’t help that the idiot fell asleep on him! Medic tried to focus on the man in front of him. Engie lightly salted his eggs with his robot hand. His real one was wrapped in bandages, resting on the table.

“Here. Let me see.” Medic gently took Engie’s hand, and started unwrapping it. The flesh was charred and raw. Medic winced at the sight. Normally, open wounds were fun, but on Engie…

Reaching into a lab coat pocket, Medic pulled out a red vial. Concentrated medi-gun formula. Pouring some over Engie's hand, he nodded in satisfaction as the wound closed. “Zhat should be fine now. Let me know if it bothers you.”

“Ah, thanks doc.” Engie flexed his hand experimentally. “Feels good as new.”

“Good, good…” Taking a sip of coffee, Medic glanced at the clock. He choked, hot liquid going up his nose.

“Whoa, ya alright?” Engie offered a napkin to the spluttering doctor.

“Fine…” Medic coughed weakly. “Engie I’m sorry, but I need to go. I’m late for an appointment.”

“...Right. You git goin’ then. I’ll tidy up, no worries.”

“ _ Danke _ love...for zhe eggs and everything." Medic quickly left the room. He missed Engie’s surprised blush at his words. Medic didn’t even realize what he said.

Engie sat at the table for a long time, heart spinning like a sentry at the word ‘love’. His resolve grew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty fond of the snipermedic parts of this chapter :)


	6. Chapter 6

“You’re late. That’ll cost ya a dart.”

Medic huffed, having near-ran to the balcony. “Ja ja, sorry. Um, I don’t actually have any cigarettes on me, but I suppose later I can supply-“

“Bugger that. Means ya gotta smoke one.” Sniper held out a lit cigarette. Medic wrinkled his nose.

“And zhis serves vhat purpose? I smoke infrequently, and I’d rather keep it zhat way. Matter of personal health, you see.”

“Keep ya from being late, innit? Take it.”

“...fine.” Medic grumbled. Warm smoke irritated his throat, and he stifled a cough.  _ Never going to be late again...I suppose he wins zhis one. _

A sudden thought struck Medic. “Zhese tremors, have you tried smoking vhile it happens? Could it be a result of vithdraval?”

Sniper tapped his cigarette on the balcony. “Dunno. Never tried. I know the withdrawal feelings though...this is different.”

“Ah. Next time you start, try smoking. Just to see.”

“Aight. Easy ‘nuff.”

“So!” Medic took another puff. This one went down smoother. Medic hissed the smoke through the cracks in his teeth, enjoying how it curled. “Last time ve determined zhat it vasn’t family causing you zhese difficulties. Let’s try a little more general. Any major changes recently to your life?”

“Erghh…” Sniper avoided Medic's gaze, grinding his teeth. His cigarette trembled between his long fingers. “Well…doc. Can I trust you?”

Blue eyes met black German ones. “Zhat’s...rather sudden, isn’t it? As a doctor, I take patient-doctor confidentiality very seriously.”  _ As serious as zhe Hippocratic Suggestion. But...for you, Sniper, I can keep a secret.  _ “You can tell me anything."

“Roight roight...see, doc, uh...thing is, yea things changed recently. Uhm.” Sniper coughed awkwardly. “Broke off a serious relationship, matter ‘o fact. Mine, ‘o course…”

Medic felt his heart drop. Amidst the shattered glass, a small part of him said ‘He’s single!’ The rest was numb in surprise and shock.

“O-oh?” His still technically whole heart thumped wildly. He suddenly, achingly, wanted every detail.  _ Woman, man or something else?  _

“Yeaa...I didn’t have the tremors before I left him, so I suppose-“ Sniper cut off as Medic grabbed his arm, wrenching him to fully face the doctor.

Medic's heart felt like it was going into  _ Uber charge _ . “H-him?” He asked, staring into the startling blue of Sniper's eyes.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sniper pulled his arm away. “Uh-fuck-piss...I. Fuck. Um.” He stared down at the sand below them. Sighing, he closed his eyes. “Piss. Yeah. It's a he. I’m...a fucking fairy. Fuck.” His shoulders tensed as Sniper waited for the rebuttal. Which would the doctor choose, verbal or physical abuse? Maybe a combination, as his peers had done a lifetime ago. It had been a long time since Sniper peaked out of the closet, much less accidentally.

Nothing happened. No harsh blows, or harsher words. Sniper looked up cautiously. To his surprise, the medic was shaking, bowled over. 

The German looked up, a wide grin on his face. He was...laughing! Silently chuckling, Medic regained control of himself. “Oh, I’m sorry! It’s just...oh I’m so, so happy!”

_ Happy?  _ The word struck Sniper, completely blindsiding him. “W-what?”

Medics grin got larger as he spread his arms open. Instead of smug and evil as usual, his smile looked...genuinely  _ relieved. _

“Me too! I’m, how'd you say it? ‘Fairy _ ’ _ ? I’m  _ fröhlich _ ! Yes! I, I also enjoy the company of men! Gods, how fantastic.  _ Wunderbar _ . I had no idea you were as vell!” 

“I...blimey.” Sniper whispered. Never before was his sexuality met with such...positivity. Openness. Welcoming...tears perked at the edge of his eyes. He felt so, so god damn good. “Fuck, Medic, you’re gonna make me…” the tears finally fell and Sniper let them. 

“Oh...don’t cry. Zhere zhere.” Medic patted Sniper's shoulder awkwardly. “Ah...perhaps zhis is enough for you today, ja?”

Sniffing, Sniper wiped his eyes with a tanned arm. His cigarette lay forgotten on the balcony, slowly burning away. “Yea...sure mate. T-tomorrow? Can we...talk more?”

“Of course.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Medic walked into his lab, whistling. Happiness and nervousness fluttered in his chest, echoing the movements of his doves. As he greeted them fondly through the large cages, he tittered softly. “I have a secret, little birds. Vould you like to hear?” He whispered, opening the cage to take out his favourite. (Archimedes, of course.) Stroking him under the chin, Medic continued with hushed joy. “He’s  _ gay _ . And  _ single _ . Oh, I’m so happy, my dear. So so-“ Medic broke off hastily to the sound of his lab door being opened. 

Engie entered, smiling. Closing the door carefully behind him, he lowered his goggles to his neck and looked up at Medic with fond grey eyes. “Sure hear a lot of crooning in here, Med. What do those birdies got that I don’t?” He chuckled, and Medic joined in.

Turning to put Archi back in the cage, Medic grimaced, face hidden from Engie.  _ Oh gods. I really need to, to...deal vith zhis. Us. I… _

Turning back around with a large fake smile, Medic gave his answer. “Nothing, of course. Simply practicing for you.”

Engie’s grin grew darker, hungrier. “That’s what I like to hear.” Striding forward, he clasped Medic's chin with his robot hand. The cold metal sent shivers down Medic's spine. That, and the look in Engie’s eyes…

Medic was drawn forward into the kiss. Closing his eyes he tried his best to enjoy it. As much as he tried to focus on Engie, his thoughts went to Sniper. How he’d like to kiss those sharp teeth, rough lips…

“Whoa, easy pardner! I gotta breathe here.” Engie had disengaged, his arms clasping Medic’s still.

“Oh, sorry…” Medic said awkwardly. Had he been more aggressive than normal? 

“Ah, don’t apologize. S’all good. What say we sit down, kick our feet up?”

Medic nodded, following Engie to his bedroom, which was connected to his lab for easy access. Once they were settled on his bed, Medic braced himself as the kissing began again.  _ I like Engie. I really do! So vhy, vhy...vhy can’t I enjoy this like I used to.  _

Medic pulled away as Engie’s hands began to travel south. “Engie…”

His grey eyes seemed to pierce through Medic’s heart. “What is it, Med?”

“I, I’m rather tired…can’t ve just...talk?”

Engie's hands continued on their quest. “Ah, Med, come on. We didn’t even have a battle today, why’re you all tuckered out?”

“ _ Engie _ .” Medic's voice was harsher, serious. It just as quickly softened as Engie removed his hands. “I just...vant to enjoy your company like  _ zhis  _ for today.”

“Alrighty. If ya say so.” Engie's voice was tinged with disappointment and slight bitterness, which he didn’t try to hide. “What’s got y’all so tired anywho? What was that little appointment you had to rush off to so quick?”

Medic relaxed, as it seemed Engie would respect his wishes. “Ah, ja. You know how I’ve been giving therapy sessions with Sniper? That was another session.”

Engie frowned. “So you can spend time with Sniper, but not with me?”

“Engie, it isn’t like zhat. I’m just helping out a teammate. And we  _ are _ spending time together, right now.”

“Med...I’m gonna be honest with ya. I don’t like how you’ve been spending so much time with Sniper recently. Don’t like it much at all.”

Medic felt his throat go dry. “So...you vant me to  _ not _ help him?”

Engie looked at him intensely. “Yea. Yea, I do. Med, you’re a psychopath, an’ megalomaniac. You know well as I do that you can’t really  _ help  _ anyone. It ain’t no fault o’ yours, just how you are. Folks are just wired differently, s’all. Be better if ya just focused on stuff you’re good at, like causin’ pain to yer enemies, or yer nasty lil’ experiments. This whole ‘therapy’ thing ain’t gonna last. You’re just gonna ruin a perfectly good Sniper, end ‘o the day.”

At Medic's silence, Engie leaned in and rubbed his shoulders. “Hey, don’t be like that.  _ I  _ still love ya.” The engineer tensed, looking at Medic for his reaction. This was the first time he’d ever said that. 

Medic felt his earlier happiness fade away, along with any hope he had. He let Engie's words be absorbed, taking them to heart. He  _ was _ a monster. He craved violence, blood...destruction, rending flesh from bone, only to heal and repeat the gruesome process. What part of that actually involved  _ helping  _ others? He was...sick. Sniper had even said so. Who was he to try and  _ fix  _ someone…he couldn’t even fix himself...Engie was right. He would just drive Sniper as mad as  _ him _ . And as...admittedly  _ appealing _ as that was ( _ god _ , he was  _ awful  _ for even thinking so), it wouldn’t be good. Wouldn’t be fair to Sniper.

As his happiness left, Medic turned to a different form of release. A distraction from his sudden pain. He let self loathing, and Engie, take over his body. Let Engie do with him what he will. He was the only one that would ever love a psychopath like him. Biting into Engie’s shoulders between moans, he felt disgusting satisfaction as blood spurted out.  _ God _ , he loved the taste. Sniper was right, he really was  _ sick. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya know, everyone always makes engie nice and soft and the 'dad/peacekeeper' of the group, but...y'all gotta remember he kills people too. he's got problems of his own...I imagine he's quite possessive...wants to control people just like he controls his machines...
> 
> idk, I needed a bad guy, and I used to be a big engie/medic fan before I got into sniper/medic so it fit well. Plus later I can *spoilers oh jeez spoilers oh wow I've not even written this part yet very much spoilers* 
> 
> hehe ;) guess ya'll gotta keep reading


	7. Chapter 7

The next day arrived without much fanfare. Medic thankfully woke up alone. Engie had returned to his room, continuing the charade that the two men haven’t been fucking each other for the last four months. The thought made Medic’s insides sick. It has started out so fun and lighthearted...what happened? Engie had gotten more needy, more jealous. Medic suspected it stemmed from his now ex-wife cheating on the Texan. It had made sense for the cuckold to be a little possessive, so Medic had accepted it. But now...now it was becoming too much. He wanted Medic to stay away from Sniper. His patient.  _ But...do I really vant to keep talking to Sniper? I don’t...I don’t want to hurt him. I want to help him, I really do! But...it’s not like he could ever like me.  _

To Medic’s disappointment, there were no RED attacks today, and with Sniper’s unsteady state the Administrator seemed unwilling to organize any BLU attacks. The rest of the mercs didn’t mind, spending the day polishing guns, and for one particular merc, yelling at decapitated heads on a fence. Today the heads were getting a lesson on Audie Murphy, and by America’s great God they were going to  _ enjoy  _ it.

Medic wandered the halls listlessly. He had things to do, he knew. His monthly organ shipment had arrived yesterday, and the pieces needed to be sorted. He also wanted to look a little closer at the possibilities of Heavy’s spleen. And of course...he was supposed to talk to Sniper again today. His shoulders sagged. That was one thing Medic  _ didn’t _ want to do.  _ Perhaps I’ll go for a valk outside...try to clear away zhis bad mood. _

Outside or inside, the walls of Medic’s head felt the same. Hollow. Hurt. Engie’s words echoed, dragging his head lower and lower.  _ Zhis isn’t working.  _ Medic thought with despair.  _ I still feel like shit. _

“Wanna go for a drive?”

The soft voice jolted Medic from his musings. He turned, eyes widening as he took in the speaker. Sniper was standing before him, an odd expression on his face. 

“Vhat?” Medic responded far too late, voice cracking. He winced inwardly over how pathetic he sounded.

“A drive. I find a drive helps me clear my head when I’m feeling down.” Still he spoke in that soft voice. 

“V-vho says I need to clear my head?” Medic looked away, avoiding Sniper’s gaze.  _ Out of all people, vhy did it have to be Sniper? _

Sniper sighed, hands fidgeting with his car keys. “Look, you clearly have a lot going on in that big ol 'brain of yours. You seem...upset. I’m jus’ trying to help, like yer helping’ me-“

“I’m not helping you!” The words burst from Medic's throat, and he clutched the sides of his head in anger and shame. “I’m just, just making you worse. I just ruin everything. I can’t... _ help _ anyone. I don’t know why I thought I could…” 

“Now  _ that’s  _ a load of piss, if I ever saw one. What on earth are ya blabbering about?” Sniper's voice rose in surprise.

Medic still avoided his gaze, body shaking with shuddering breaths. His throat stung, a warning that tears were on their way. He heard Sniper’s footsteps fade into the distance as he left at Medic’s lack of response.  _ Good. Leave me.  _ Medic sank to the sandy ground, clutching to himself in a ball of misery.  _ Now Sniper vill hate me. Good.  _

_ I don’t vant him to hate me. But it’s vhat I deserve. _

Medic didn’t know how long he sat in the dirt, tears threatening to appear, but never breaking through. He did notice however, when his endless vigil was broken by a loud rumbling sound.

“Medic. Git in the damn van. We’re going for a ride.”

Stepping out of his van, Sniper extended his hand to Medic. The morning sun glinted off the rims of his glasses, causing Medic to wince as the light hit his eyes.

“Sniper...vhat are you doing?”

“You’ve got a lotta evil thoughts in yer head, mate. Imma show you ‘ow to outrun ‘em.”

“But...Zhats a van. Zhat wouldn’t be running, technically-“

Sniper sighed loudly. “What are ya, Scout? Git in the car or I’m gonna blow your brains out. Can’t stand to see ya sobbing in my desert like this.”

When Medic failed to move, Sniper's eyes visibly widened beneath his glasses. All teasing gone from his voice, he gently said “It’s..that bad, is it? Look, I’m not...I’m not gunna hurt ya. Jus’...tell me what’s on yer mind. I can help.”

“It’s nothing, Sniper. Go away.”

“Well, it obviously isn’t nothing. ‘Nothing’ isn’t you sitting all th’ way out here, all upset and saying things that simply aren’t true.”

“I don’t want to talk.”

Sniper flopped down next to him with a huff, stirring orange sand briefly into the air. “Fine then. We can just sit ‘ere.”

“Sniper, leave me zhe fuck alone.” Medic kept his eyes in front of him, refusing to look at the man beside him. 

Sniper laid down into the sand, getting comfortable. “Not happening, mate. I’m gonna be here ‘till you tell me what's wrong. Or, at least...I’m not gonna leave ya alone to ya misery.”

The sun beat down on the two men. Medic felt his skin beginning to burn. Sneaking a glance at the Aussie, he didn’t even seem to notice. Damn Sniper seemed downright peaceful, lying in the hot sand, looking up at the blazing sky.

“Vhy...vhy are you doing zhis?”

Sniper shrugged, creating gouges in the sand. “I don’t know, maybe cuz yer my friend? And I care if you’re upset?”

_ Friend? _ “I’m...I’m only going to make you vorse. I can’t heal you. I’m just...I made you mutilate zhe RED Spy; encouraged horrible behaviour from you. I can’t do good. I just...just hurt zhings.”  _ I hurt you. And I’m being cruel to Engie with my zhoughts about you, Sniper.  _

“Medic, don’t say that. You didn’t put my anger inside of me, give me the knife, and tell me to tear apart that damn Spy. That was  _ me. _ That ain’t your fault! Where is all this coming from? Of  _ course _ you can heal. You can help me, you  _ have _ helped me. God, who filled your head with this  _ piss? _ ”

“Doesn’t matter. It's true. I’m a monster.” 

“So?”

Medic turned to face Sniper, finally. He had sat up, and removed his shades. His gaze was steady, intense.

“ _ Vhat? _ ”

“So? So what if you are? We  _ all  _ are, mate,  _ you _ helped me see that. Besides, whoever told ya you were awful, well, chances are that they love killin’ _ just  _ as much as you. So don’t take it personally, fer Chirst’s sake.”

The tightness in Medic’s chest had begun to lessen. He looked at Sniper with unsteady eyes. “It doesn’t bother you zhat I’m...mad?”

“Mad? Naw, you're a sadist, but I wouldn’t say yer completely off th’ hook. Look, I  _ asked  _ you for help. I  _ want _ your help. I ain’t worried about what you’ll do to me. I already let ya poke around inside me, for God’s sake. Told ya that I’m queer. I trust ya.”

“You...trust me?”

“Yes.”

Medic smiled. It was a small smile, but it was there. “I don’t hear zhat very often.”

“Well, I’ll repeat it as much as ya like.” Sniper shifted a little in discomfort. “Look, I got sand in my pants and it's starting to get real itchy. Let me drive you back to the base, at least.”

The unexpected words caused Medic to let out a surprised burst of laughter. His thoughts were still tinged with sadness, but in general they were better than how he had started out the day. Sniper had this ability to...cheer him up. It was lovely. He was lovely. Medic gazed into his eyes, gratitude and fondness filling his heart. 

“Medic?”

“Ah! Ja. Ja, that vould be great. Danke. Uh…” Medic let himself be helped up by Sniper's strong grip. “Sniper. Zh- _ Thank you. _ “ Medic put extra stress on the words, trying to say them as well in English as he could. “For...staying.”

Sniper gave him a hearty clap on the shoulder. He seemed much happier and less worried than before. “No problem, mate. Know ya needed it. Glad I was able to talk some sense in ya.”

The drive back to the base was quiet, but comfortable. Medic got out, and with a nod of thanks began to walk into the building. 

“Hey, uh, listen mate, before ya go-!” Sniper called out, leaning out the passenger side window.

“Ja?”

“Look, man I jus’ wanna...I jus’ wanna say that...uhm...I like talking with ya. And, if ya ever wanted to, we can talk about whatever. Not jus’ feelings.”

Medic’s heart beat a little faster as he smiled at Sniper. “Ja, I’d...I’d like to do zhat sometime.”

Sniper beamed. “Great. Catch ya later.”

Medic gave Sniper a small wave as he drove off, presumably to park his van. His mood considerably lifted, Medic walked into the cool base.  _ Engie means well, but...Sniper doesn’t mind my...unstableness. He trusts me.  _

_ Although, I suppose Engie does too. He said he loves me, after all. _

Medic felt a ping of guilt at the thought.

_ I never said it back to him. _

_ Do I love him? Can I really say that, when I’m feeling this pull towards Sniper? _

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pulling the van out of Medic’s view, Sniper let out a rough sigh and slumped in his seat. His head buzzed with adrenaline. _ I did it. I freaking did it. Told ‘im I wanted to talk more. An’...that I trusted him. Man!  _ Sniper’s long fingers drummed the steering wheel. He’d wanted to put his hand on Medic's thigh as he drove  _ so badly _ . His palm had already gotten a taste of the supple flesh and strong muscles underneath...but more importantly than that, he wanted to cheer Medic up. “You really scared me today, ya old quack.” Sniper muttered, parking his van beside the BLU base’s storage area. “Looking so sad, jus’ wandering with that pained expression on your face….” Sniper hadn’t wanted to interfere, initially. He was up on his balcony, trying to practice (with little success) when he spotted Medic. It was none of his business, but he couldn’t help but watch the agitated doctor through his shaky scope, until he couldn’t take it anymore. Medic was right there, upset, practically  _ begging  _ for Sniper to go see him.

_ I’m glad I was able to cheer ‘im up, and get some sense inta him. Never seen him so doubtful o’ himself. Wonder who told ‘im he was jus’ a mad dog.. _ .Anger and a sense of protection curled in Sniper’s belly. How dare they, whoever they were, treat Medic so badly? If he caught wind of it happening again....Sniper thumbed his Kurki. It wouldn’t be pretty. As his dirty shoes hit the dusty floor, Sniper sighed again. _ Course,  _ he reasoned.  _ Med could have jus’ thought up those things ‘imself. We all got self doubts...looking down at his still hands, Sniper gritted his teeth. He knew a lot about that. _


	8. Chapter 8

“And where in Sam's green hills were you this time?”

Medic sighed, taking off his dusty lab coat and tossing it over his examination chair. “I just vent for a valk. Vhat are you doing in my lab?”

Engie scowled. “Fixin’ to find ya. You went for a walk? That’s unusual. You meet anyone on this ‘walk’ of yours?”

“Engie,  _ no _ .” Medic lied through his teeth. “I vas alone zhe vhole time. Vhy can’t I go anywhere vithout you pestering me afterwards?”

“I don’t pester you.”

“Ja, you do!”

Engie waved a hand and smiled fondly at Medic. “Naw, you’re imagining things, Med. I’m just looking out for ya. Don’t go throwin’ a hissy fit.”

“But-“

“You’re looking pretty steamed, Med. When's the last time you drank something? Come on, let’s get ya some water.”

Wordlessly, Medic followed Engie to the kitchen. Cool glass of water in hand, he listened to Engie chatter randomly about his latest project. Something about mangling cows. The words weren’t really registering. Medic was too distracted. His bad mood had returned. He felt...small. But shouldn’t he feel grateful for Engie? He took care of Medic, checking up on him, making sure he eats and drinks.  _ Maybe I’m zhe problem here. I’m not...true to Engie. At least my zhoughts aren’t. I should... _ Medic didn’t know what to do. Engie loved him. But he...didn’t quite feel the same.  _ I’m...awful. Cruel. I need to be loyal to Engie. _

But  _ Sniper.  _ Oh-so-tempting  _ Sniper. _

“Med, you with me?”

“Hm? Ja, ja, sorry...just zhinking.”

“‘Bout what?”

“Ah...just stuff.”

“Stuff.”

“Ja.”

“Like what?”

“I vas just vondering...Engie, do you...trust me?”

Engie’s brow furrowed. “Trust ya? Med, I  _ love _ ya. Course I do.”

“Even…” Medic shifted his feet. “Even though you said I’m crazy?”

“Crazy? I never said that.”

“Ja, you did-“

“Med. I don’t think you’re well. That’s different. Don’t worry, I’m gunna take care of you.”

… 

“Med?”

“Ja?”

Faint lips brushed his own. The world seemed miles away. Medic felt himself retracting inwards, trying to run from the situation he was in. Just as he did years ago, as a child. He had plenty of practice.  _ This is all just a bad dream. I’ll wake up soon. It’s just a dream.  _

_ Why aren’t I waking up? _

Medic couldn’t wake up from this tongue in his throat, or pain in his heart _. I don’t know vhat I vant. From Engie. From Sniper. I just want… _

_ To wake up. For all of this to go away. _

_ \---------------------------------------  _

The next morning Medic was still stuck in this unfortunate dream. He couldn’t solve his problems, or sort out his thoughts, so he did the next best thing.

Got high.

A lesser known fact about the medi-gun was that when directly inhaled, the healing fumes created a strong sense of euphoria and peace. It was short lived, but deeply enjoyable. 

“Hoooo….Oktoberfest!” Medic doubled over, giggling uncontrollably. He cradled his gun in his hands, holding it unsteadily and breathing deeply. Another shot of happiness. Medic's whole body buzzed, feeling lighter than air. His worries melted away, for the first time in days Medic  _ relaxed.  _

For a short period of time. Far too short. Sobering up after a couple of minutes, Medic considered taking another hit.  _ Probably shouldn’t. Don’t want to overheal the brain too much. Zhat’s ok. Zhere’s other vays to feel good. _ Such as indulging in his darker hobbies. He had several thousand dollars worth of organs in his possession, waiting to be sorted. Getting lost in the bloody work was its own sort of high. Stumbling up off the floor and brushing himself off, Medic smiled as the last bit of overheal high hit him.  _ Today is going to be a self-care day.  _ He thought to himself, quickly walking to the cold room.  _ I need one. _

\------------------------------------------

Holding a pig's heart in his hand, still-connected lungs drooping over his arm, Medic giggled to himself. “Nov, vhere should zhis go? Heavy is an obvious choice, but...pigs are zhe fourth smartest animal, maybe Soldier vould…no, zhere’s no brain. Unless, zhese lungs could benefit Spy-“

“Medic?”

Sniper's voice was hesitant. He stood in the open doorway of the Medical Supply room. 

“Oh! Sniper! Guten morgen!” Medic turned around quickly, causing a small spray of blood to squirt from an open lung tube. Not that it was noticeable. The room was filled with blood stains and puddles. It absolutely  _ stunk  _ of flesh, organs and formaldehyde. And Medic, sitting in the middle of it all, smelled the worse. His whitish coat was smeared pink, blue, and other oozy marks. 

Sniper wrinkled his nose as the stuffy room's scent wafted past him. “ _ Bloody hell _ mate, this smells like a slaughterhouse left open to the Australian sun.”

Medic shrugged. His eyes were pinpoints, and his smile was wide. “You don’t really notice it one you get into zhe sorting process.”

“And wot exactly is your sorting based off of? I just see parts all o’er the place.” Sniper shuffled closer, covering his face with his shirt. The lifting of his shirt slightly exposed his lower torso. Medic tried to keep his eyes on Sniper’s face, with little success.

“I’m glad you asked!” Medic placed down the pig lungs carefully and gestured to a reeking pile. “Vell, to start, zhis pile here is parts that I zhink vould go quite  _ lovely  _ into Demoman! As you can see, I have a multitude of livers, ranging in size from a mouse to-“

Sniper scoffed “How the fuck is a  _ mouse _ liver gonna help him?”

“Help?” Medic's enthusiasm faded slightly in confusion, but quickly regenerated. “Oh, no! No, no! A drink of alcohol vould kill him. Instantly. I zhink.”

“Then why…?”

“Vell, I don’t  _ know _ for certain! Vhat is zhe point of having revival technology if ve aren’t using it to advance science! Vithout zhese advancements, ve are just apes killing each other for gravel.” Medic lovingly stroked the tiny mouse organ. 

“Heh. You really are into this stuff, huh? I guess it’s true, the ‘dead-no-more’ machines really let you discover stuff. If they don’t permanently kill you.”

“Exactly! God, it's so exhilarating!”

Sniper gave him an odd smile. It seemed...fond? Like he was seeing the doctor in a whole new light. 

“And here I was, thinkin’ you just liked hurting people for th’ sake of hurting.” Sniper’s face instantly looked guilty after he said those words. He looked at Medic, unsure if this would upset him, like he was yesterday.

Thankfully, Medic didn’t seem bothered. “Oh, vell,” He chuckled. “Don’t just need one reason to enjoy something, ja? Now, vould you like to see  _ your _ pile? I vas thinking, as a sniper, your eyes are pretty important. You know vhat else has good eyes? Eagles! So-“

“Annnd I’m gonna stop you right there, mate. I ain’t gonna be walkin’ round with bird peepers in my head.”

“Oh, come on...surely you’ve heard of being ‘eagle-eyed?’”

“No thanks. Plus, Soldier would get jealous. He fucking loves eagles.”

Medic thought for a moment, clicking his tongue. “Ooh, no no! Zhey vould be absolutely  _ vasted _ on him! Vith zhat bucket covering his eyes half zhe time! No, I couldn’t  _ bear _ to see such folly.”

Sniper laughed. “Jeez. Suppose ‘ur right. Ol’ Mr. splash damage couldn’t aim with the best pair ‘of eyes in the world.”

“Aha, ja...say, vhat brings you down here? Surely not to reject  _ all  _ my ideas.” Medic teased.

“Is that a challenge? Cuz I will. Only human parts for this bod, thank you very much.” Sniper gestured to his chest. “In the name of science be damned.” He laughed.

Medic grinned. “Agh, I was about to use zhat line against you! Curses. Very vell. Human parts…”

“Hey! Don’t be gettin’ any new ideas! Just  _ my  _ human parts.”

“Av, you’re no fun.” Medic quipped, mirth softening his voice.

Sniper smirked, dropping his shirt down. Just as quickly he pulled it back up over his nose. “Piss, the smell in ‘ere is starting to make me woozy. Roight. Uh, I came ‘ere lookin’ for another meeting, if that’s alright. Course, if you're busy, ‘sall good. I don’t want to disturb ya, especially since you seem to be in a good mood today.”

“Oh! Ja, don’t worry, I’d love to talk with you. Give me...an hour, and I’ll be good to go. Where would you like to meet?”

“The balcony ok?”

“Of course.” Medic started to put organs in their respective boxes. “I vas just about done here anyway.”  _ Not really, but zhat’s ok.  _ Guilt filled Medic’s head, and he quickly tried to push it down. _ I vant to talk to Sniper. Talking with Sniper makes me happy. I don’t care...Vell...I  _ do  _ care what Engie says, it’s just...I vant to talk to Sniper so badly...I’m sorry Engie.  _ Medic grit his teeth with resolve. He wasn’t going to think about Engie until after Sniper’s session was over. He needed to be there for his patient. Beneath half-closed lids, Medics pupils slowly widened to about-normal size as his organ fever quieted down. He didn’t catch the moment Sniper left.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The parts were put away and refrigerated. Medic sighed in content, then winced as he breathed back in. “Hmm...I need a shower. Shit, zhat’ll take more time zhen I have. I guess I can just tell him, zhen shower?” Medic mused out loud.

“Ya know what happens when you’re late.” A cocky voice startled him. Turning around, Medic was met with Sniper's smug grin as he leaned on the doorframe, arms crossed.

“Oh, Sniper.  _ Ja, _ I know…Have you been here zhe vhole time?”

“Yep. Not much to do. You hum when you work, ya know.”

“I do? Hm. Vell, I don’t normally have an audience.” Medic rubbed his neck, feeling the drying blood stick to his neck hairs and pull. “Ow. Fuck, I’m filthy.”

“You sure are.” Sniper murmured. Clearing his throat, his voice returned to normal. “Roight. Uh, have yer shower. I’ll have the darts ready.” Lifted a tanned hand in a wave of goodbye, and turned to leave. As he did, he caught the muttered words of “Bastard.” The word was full of humor and fondness. 

Sniper flushed and quickly left, almost running away from the charming doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (for those of you who don't play the game) there's a taunt where Medic puts his medigun up to his face, and gets a bit intoxicated for a few seconds, so thats where I got the directly-healing-your-face-gets-you-high idea from ^-^


	9. smut 2: electric boogaloo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smutsmutsmutsmutsmut
> 
> this one has less plot relevance, its more just for fun :)
> 
> ...although, it sort of affects the next chapter...

_ I’m filthy.  _ Medic's words echoed in Sniper's head, causing him to bite his lip.  _ Oh fuck yea you are. Fuck. Why is that so fucking... _ God.

Sniper ducked into his room, panting. Lust overtaking him, he pulled down his pants quickly, nearly tripping himself in the progress.

_ God. Fucking hell. Medic, makin’ me…  _ Sniper moaned, biting his lip harder as he began to pump. Dick in his hands, waves of pleasure coursed through him. Closing his eyes, Sniper imagined the gore-splattered Medic.  _ Oh, you’re a dirty boy, aintcha? Filthy little-  _ Sniper’s thoughts were cut off as his dick shuddered in warning. Sniper kept rubbing, stifled moans escaping through his teeth. “Fuck...fuck yea!”

Cum streamed out, splatting on the floor. Sniper let out a gusty sigh. His head felt light, dizzy with pleasure. 

Putting his softening cock back in his pants, he looked at the dirtied floor. Rubbing a tongue over his now sore lip, he murmured to himself. “Well now, it looks like I made a mess. This whole thing...came out of nowhere, didncha? Medic...god I haven’t felt  _ that _ way in...some time. Guess I better clean up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yea quick lil fun scene cuz why not


	10. Chapter 10

Walking up to the balcony, Sniper saw a familiar blue coat waiting for him. “Oh, piss.”  _ Fuck, he beat me. _

Medic grinned. He casually leaned against a beam, body posed in the pinnacle of relaxation. It reminded Sniper of his earlier pose at Medic's door. Was he mocking him?  _ Asshole. _ Sniper thought fondly. 

“Vhy, hello zhere! Did you get lost on zhe way here?”

Sniper frowned, ignoring the question. “Your hair is wet.”

“Yes, vell I zhought I vas in a hurry. So, vhat is  _ your  _ punishment for being late?” Medic smirked. He was clearly enjoying the turn-tables.

Sniper shrugged, sitting. “I...don’t smoke a dart? That would suck for me.”

Medic flopped down next to him, stroking his chin in consideration. The German smelled faintly of...moss? The freshness tickled Sniper's nose.  _ Maybe not smoking is a good thing...Medic can smell nice. Who knew? _

The smell seemed to draw in Sniper further. Medic’s black hair glistened, accenting his dark eyes. Fresh moss and tiger grass whispered to him, telling him to come frolic in their locks. Sniper felt himself leaning in, to smell…

“...V-vhat are you doing?”

Sniper opened his eyes. He was millimeters from Medic's neck, sniffing deeply. Quickly he jerked his head back, wrenching his neck. 

Clenching his now-aching neck, he apologized hastily. “Fuck, s-sorry mate! You...you smell good.”

Medic's face was flushed. The German man rubbed his own neck awkwardly. “Ah...danke? It’s German. The soap I use. Uhm…”

“I see.”  _ Holy fuck. I’m a bloody idiot. What the fuck was I thinking?  _ Sniper averted his gaze from Medic’s, looking off the balcony. The movement aggravated his neck even worse. He let out an involuntary hiss of pain.

“Are you alright?”

Sniper gritted his teeth.  _ I’m fine. It’s what I get for being fucking weird.  _ “Yea. Just pulled my neck a lil funny, ‘sall.”

“Let me see.”

“‘K.”

Medic studied the back of Sniper’s head. “Remove your hand.”

Sniper released his grip, lowering his hand. 

“Now lean forward. Slightly.”

Doing as the doctor said, Sniper jerked as strong fingers touched his neck. They expertly thumbed his neck muscles, rubbing and squeezing. Sniper sighed as the pain resided. Still the fingers moved. Rotating his shoulders, Sniper looked behind him, smiling gratefully. “See doc? You  _ can  _ heal. This feels great. Thanks, mate.”

Medic started slightly at Sniper's voice.  _ He gets lost in his work so quickly...heh.  _ “Ah, ja... No problem. Simple fix. Really, your pain tolerance is atrocious. Vould you like something to help vith zhat? Vhat animal can vithstand…” Medic trailed off in thought, fingers still strumming Sniper’s wiry neck muscles.

“I’m gonna stop ya right there. No thanks.”

“Fine.” Sniper could have sworn Medic was  _ pouting.  _ The doctor removed his hands. Sniper felt a twinge of disappointment.  _ That felt so nice. Wait, does this mean… _

Sniper rubbed his hand where Medic had worked his craft, and sniffed it. _Moss. As I thought._ _Ngk._

“...You really focus on scents vhen you don’t smoke, huh?”

Sniper looked up guiltily. Medic was giving him a strange look.

“Um.” Sniper didn’t know how to respond. In his world of sand, smoke, blood and piss, smelling something this fresh was...nice. New. “Yea I guess cuz...I  _ can _ smell it? Uhh…”

“Hm. Have you ever encountered scented candles? Perhaps having zhose lit around you vould reduce stress?”

“Oh, yea I’ve heard of them. Uhm, maybe that would work. Don’t know how I’d get one here, though.”

Medic shrugged. “I can send for some next order. You’ll have to tell me zhe scents you want. No rush, I’m only allowed one order a month. Unfortunately…” His eyes narrowed in frustration.

“Ah, sure. Thanks. I’ll...think of some smells.”  _ This is...an odd idea. Hope it works? What smells do I like?...I guess German soap. Do they make candles with that smell? _

_ Probably not. _

“Wunderbar. Nov, you called zhis meeting, ja? Vould you like to continue off from...last time?”

_ Last time. Right.  _ “Uh. Yea. Um.”

“Now, let's see. Ve left off vith us both admitting to preferring zhe presence of  _ men.  _ Very lovely to meet another...like-minded individual, might I say! Nice to know zhey haven’t killed all of us.” Medic laughed self-decrepitly, but stopped at the pained look on Sniper’s face. “Ah...sorry.”

Sniper waved a hand. “All good. Just odd, to hear a folk joke about it…” 

Medic sighed, eyes lingering on the horizon. “For us, it’s either laugh or cry. Maybe one day our brothers vill be free, but until zhen...ve must bear our chains vith as much grace as ve can.”

_ Whoa. That’s… _ “Medic…”

“Ah, sorry! Getting distracted. Aha. Uhm. Ve vere talking about a serious breakup you had recently, right? Do you mind elaborating more? You said zhe shaking started after zhe breakup?”

“Yeah.”

“And you feel stressed all zhe time. Forgive me, but you don’t seem zhat stressed right now?”

“I...no. I don’t really feel stressed when I’m with you…” Sniper felt his cheeks start to warm. Hopefully his tan would hide it.

“Oh. Zhat’s good.” Medic pushed forwards breezily, refusing to dwell on the implications. “So, stress. Any clue at zhe cause? Do you have...a decision to make, one zhat you're putting off?” As he asked the last question, Medic's eyes darkened. 

Sniper rubbed the back of his head. “Well, I broke up with him. Decisions made, ain’t it?”

“Perhaps you feel...doubt.” Medic gritted his teeth, as if he regretted saying so.

_ Doubt. I…  _ Sniper let out a shaky breath. “Yea,  _ maybe _ . But that’s normal after a breakup? Isn’t it?”

“Not...necessarily. You broke up, and now are uncertain if it vas a good decision. Vas zhere a vay to fix it? I...I don’t zhink you’re completely over him. Zhe tremors and general stress indicate  _ regret. _ ”

“Medic, please, stop.” Sniper groaned. “I get it. I get it! I’m...Yea. Regretful. But like at the same time, I know breaking up with Spy was probably for the best! It’s the ‘probably’ that’s driving me mad. Medic, do you kinda get that? Like-“ Sniper cut off as he looked at Medic. The man's face was...shattered.

Shock and dismay plastered the doctor's face. He looked at Sniper numbly, like he couldn’t believe what he was looking at.

Sniper knit his brows together. “Uh, did I say something wrong?”

Medic’s voice was hoarse. “Spy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :o
> 
> heh yea before I got into sniper/medic, my two fav ships where engie/medic and sniper/spy 
> 
> this fic is pretty...reflective of that, I suppose


	11. Chapter 11

_ Yes! Everything's wrong! You dated  _ SPY  _ of all people! Vhy? Vhy zhe hell? He’s so fucking untrustworthy, plus he’s a dickhead! An absolute douche! Arrogant prick!  _

Medic's mouth felt dry. His tongue weighed a thousand pounds. Sticky, it was firmly lodged in his mouth. It took all his effort to utter the word ‘Spy.’ What a horrid word to utter. It’s a word you can’t really say, is it? You utter it, or spit it out, or vomit it. You can’t just say ‘Spy’ like you would any other word. Such a disgusting word deserves less. 

Anyway,

Medic watched as Sniper's face fell, then panicked in realization.

“Piss. Piss piss piss. I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone! That was part of our agreement. Please, don’t tell anyone!”

“I von’t. Doctor confidentiality. You have my vord.” Medic’s voice was deadpan, instinctive. 

“Whew. Thanks. Yea. Me an’ Spy dated. The, uh, BLU one, just for clarification. Not like  _ he’ll  _ ever admit it though.” Sniper’s voice was bitter.

The words felt like Nastasha, gunning Medic down. The hole-filled corpse nodded. “Ok. So, you should reflect on your decision. Once you’ve settled your mind, your hands should stop shaking.”

“Ain’t I supposed to reflect on it with you? Talk it out in therapy or whatever?”

“Sure. Sure!” Medic felt his voice rise slightly in hysteria.  _ Keep it together.  _ “But zhat’s good for today. Enough for today. See you.” Quickly standing up, Medic walked away as casually as he could. Sniper’s confused “Ok? Where ya going?” fell on deaf ears. Medic fled the heartbreak, his heart thrumming in emotional pain. 

_ I need to get out of here. Gods. I can’t stand it, zhe zhought of  _ Spy  _ and Sniper. _

_ Fuck. _

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The air shimmered in front of Medic, causing him to almost fall down the stairs backwards. “Fuck!  _ Spy! _ Vhy can’t you approach people normally?”  _ Gods, vhy do you hate me so? Is it because of zhe daily defiance? Deals vith zhe Devil? Zhat’s nothing personal, I swear. _

Spy leaned on the stair railing, adjusting his tie. “I did not want to be followed. Now,  _ mon amie _ …” Spy purred. “You’ve been continuing those lovely little chats with Sniper. Tell me, has he ever mentioned  _ moi _ ?”

Medic frowned. “ _...Ja. _ ”  _ Unfortunately. _

“And about...our...arrangement?”

Medic's lips tightened.  _ Has Spy been listening in? He better not have been! Zhe timing is fucking suspicious.  _ “If you mean your  _ relationship _ , ja.” 

Spy winced. “Not so loud!” He hissed. Looking over his shoulder, he lowered his voice. “But... _ yes _ , that’s what I mean. Has he...expressed a desire to...mend things?”

_ Spy misses him.  _ Medic realized with a jolt.  _ And now he wants to use me as a tool, information on how to get him back.  _ “Need I remind you of patient-doctor confidence? I cannot tell you anything."

Spy’s eyes narrowed in annoyance. “And since when do you care about such things? Is this because of the cleaning duty shit? Get over it!”

“Fuck off, Spy.” Medic wasn’t going to do this. He felt sick, helpless anger rising in him. He desperately wanted to keep Spy as far away from Sniper as possible! But he couldn’t risk being labelled as ‘too involved’.

“Fine. Doesn’t matter.” Spy spat. “I shall work my wonders, as usual.”

“Do you really zhink he’ll go back to you?” The words were out before Medic could bite them back.

Chuckling, Spy pulled out his invisibility watch. “I’ll have my puppy  _ crawling  _ back.” He vanished with a smirk.

_ My puppy. My puppy.  _ The thought of Sniper being degraded to such a level broiled Medic’s insides. He felt utterly disgusted.  _ Sniper is not your pet! He’s so much MORE! He’s NOT JUST SOME PLAYTHING-!  _ Medic silently screamed, teeth gritting together so hard in hindsight he feared they might have cracked.

He walked forward, eyes dark. Footfalls were sporadic, pounding with his blood.  _ I need to, to, cut. Bleed. Hurt someone. Surgery, experiment. Heavy? No. _ The sane part of him said.  _ If you perform surgery now, you will kill someone. You need to calm down.  _

Scout sauntered down the hallway, from an incoming turn. “Oh, heya doc. Uh..” Scout faltered as he saw the mad look in the large man's eyes. “Y-you look greeeat pallie! I’ll see ya around, really must go-“ 

No amount of fast legs or finger guns saved Scout. He was slammed against the wall, Medic’s thick hand wrapped around his windpipe. 

Scout choked and writhed. Small hands beat on Medic’s large one, spindly legs rendered useless as they churned in the air.

Medic remained silent, rage etched on every feature. He barely saw Scout. Spy’s smirk filled his visage. His grip tightened, Scout’s neck bones creaking.

“Doktor? Release Scout.” A low but booming voice shook Medic from his bloodlust. Jerking around, teeth bared, Medic looked up into the broad head of Heavy.

“Heavy was not asking.” The large man raised a hand threateningly.

“Fine!” Medic hissed, wrenching his hand away. Scout crumpled to the ground, wheezing.

Medic stormed off, blood still boiling.

Both men behind him looked at him warily. Medic was not someone they wanted to see unhinged.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Medic paced the winding tunnels aimlessly. Although still angry, he was beginning to cool. The rage simmered down into a deep sadness, born from helplessness.  _ Vhat can I do now? Talk to Sniper? And say vhat? I have no right… _

Medic sighed, defeated. “I need a fucking drink.” He muttered. 

Medic sat alone in the breakroom, bottle of vodka in one hand, and a shot glass in the other. This particular brand was a favourite of Heavy, so there was plenty around the base. “Vell...Doctor’s orders.'' Medic muttered to himself bitterly. _ Time to forget everything about zhis fucking day _ . And yesterday. And the day before. It all seemed so hopeless. Medic wanted Sniper. He wanted Engie. But  _ did _ he want Engie?  _ Could _ he get Sniper? Would he just end up...alone?

Would that be so bad?

One shot was quickly followed by two. By three Medic was grinning slightly as the buzz hit him, then hit him stronger. “Ah..zzzzhats g-gut”

A fourth drink was downed with a little difficulty. Medic’s vision swooned and danced around. His head felt foggy and thick. Still, the sadness remained. Medic tried to pour a fifth. The shot glass seemed to taunt him, growing bigger then smaller in his hands. Squinting in the dim light, Medic successfully poured the vodka all over the table. “Oh,  _ scheiße _ .” He chucked the offending glass onto the table, where it skidded across the liquid. Armed with nothing but a bottle, Medic took a gulp. The liquid burned, and Medic choked on it, but eventually it was swallowed.

“Aaaaaghh....” Medic put the bottle roughly down, and fell forwards in his hands. He felt drunken tears coming on.  _ “ _ Warummmm zum Teufel ... S-Sniper ... mit Spy? Der bastard _ … _ ” 

“Mmmff?” (Hello?)

Medic looked up blankly to see the masked face of Pyro looking down at him. Several masked faces in fact. “Vvhat?”

“Mm mmf?” (You ok?)

“Fugg off.” Medic tried waving Pyro away, but his hand felt sluggish, as if moving through molasses. It fell with a thump. Resting his head on one arm, Medic ran his fingers through the table-vodka with the other. Drops splattered on the floor. 

“Mmmf mmf?” (This helps?) 

With a small clink, Pyro set down the recently thrown shot glass. Vodka swirled inside. Medic accepted it. He was well and truly drunk now. He didn’t remember why he started drinking, but by gods was he going to continue.

Time passed in a haze. Drinks appeared, accented by faint “Mmmf’s”. Medic’s world was jumbled, dazed and confused. Something was rising inside of him...blood? Tears? No...

With a lurch, Medic vomited all over the floor. Holding onto the edge of the table for support, he gasped and heaved as more came.

Pyro laughed and clapped their hands. They were having a wonderful time. Medic could shoot rainbows from his mouth! Who knew! 

“Gah....” Sweat dripped from Medic's forehead, mingling with the puke. He looked up to see Pyro offering him another shot eagerly.

“ _ Nein, nein, _ imz guut.” Medic slurred.

“Mmmmmmmf.” (Awwwww.)

“EYY! Didna kno’ we’re drinkin’!” Demoman barged into the room. He snatched the shot from Pyro and gulped it down. He let out a rough cough. “Ooi tha’ ain’t sweet, is aight? Doc, ya shoul’ have told meh we were gettang sloshed!” He thrust his arm around Medic's neck, jarring the doctor and causing him to almost fall out of his chair.

“Verdammte  _ schlampe _ !” Medic pushed Demoman off, and stood up. Just as quickly he fell back down, hitting his back on the edge of the chair. 

“Waz zat? We goit a problam? You thin’ you can tangle wi’ me? Look at  _ ye _ , you canna even stand! Stand an’ fight lika ma-'' Demoman was cut off as Engie, who had entered the room behind him, smacked Demoman in the back of the head with his wrench. The drunk crumpled.

“Mind yer mouth, eyepatch.” Engie spat. He turned his worried gaze to Medic's slumped form. Brow furrowed, he knelt down next to the German man. Medic was barely conscious. 

“Sweet Jesus. Med, you ok? What did that fucker do to you?”

“Jaaa....Enggg...” Medic moaned, trying and failing to get up.

Engie sighed, picking up the scent of booze from Medic's lips. “Looks like you had one too many, pardner. Come on, let’s get you to bed.” Engie gently lifted Medic up, and supported him on his shoulder.

“Dannnke...” Medic slurred. As they made their way to Medic's room, neither of them noticed that Medic's glasses had slipped off.

The round glasses sat in the hallway. The shadow of a wide-brimmed hat covered them. “Hm. What’s this?” A tanned hand reached down. “Looks like Doc lost his pair of eyes.” 


	12. Chapter 12

Sniper walked down the hallway, spinning the glasses in his hand.  _ Wonder how Medic missed these...must have been in quite a hurry. This late at night, though?  _

Soon he was upon Medic’s door. Light spilled out from the bottom. “Good, still awake.” Sniper muttered. He opened the door.

“Hey Doc, ya lost your-“ Sniper stopped, choked by his own surprise at the scene in front of him.

Medic was in his bed, shirtless, wrapped around a just-as-shirtless Engineer. The engineer had his arm resting in front of Medic protectively as he gazed at the intruder. 

“Well, hey there. Heard of knocking, son?” Engineer said casually.

Sniper gaped at the embracing men. “A- shit- piss-! I didn’t know you were...fuckin.... _ involved _ -!”

“And we’d prefer it if it  _ stayed _ unknown.” The Engineer's words were said with a smile, but the threat was clear. Medic and Engineer’s relationship was to remain private.

“Ah yep, shit, sure! Uhh...” Sniper was at a loss for words. _Medic and Engineer are TOGETHER?_ _I know he’s gay but...Engineer?_ Sniper tasted bile mixed with...disappointment? No. Couldn’t be. Sure Medic was attractive, but Sniper didn’t want to.. _.no, ‘course not._

“So, why’re here? Lookin’ to watch?”

“Oh god no! Uh, Medic dropped his glasses.” Sniper quickly held out his hand. The glasses trembled.

“Why thank you. Please, put them on that there nightstand. That’ll do finely.”

“O-ok.” Sniper put the dark glasses down, then stood awkwardly. He knew he should leave, but he had so many questions... _ How long had they been together? Is it serious? Do I still have a chance- no. Where were these thoughts coming from? Medic is a fully grown adult, he can do whatever he likes (and whoever.) I can’t just barge into his private life like- _

“Why don’t ya quit yer dawdling and git?” Engineer stroked Medic's hair, seemingly just to spite Sniper.

“Roighty. Mighty sorry mate.” Sniper left, quickly shutting the door behind him. Standing alone in the hallway, Sniper felt the shaking coming on.  _ Medic...with him? Well....they both are smart....I don’t stand a chance...no! Why do I want a chance? Wot is happening... _ hurt and confused, though not entirely sure why, Sniper returned to his room in an entirely sober haze.

_ Medic...was he unconscious? He didn’t seem aware of what was happening. Piss. That means he’ll hear it all from Engineer's point of view. _

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Medic opened his eyes into a world of pain. His head pounded, sending thick waves of torment down his body. Vision blurry, he sat up in bed groggily. “Vhat...” he rasped, throat dry.

“Oh, yer awake. Morning, sunshine. Here, drink this, it’ll help.”

A cold glass was pressed into Medic's hand. Medic obeyed instinctively, bringing the drink to his lips. Cool water soothed his throat and woke him up a bit more. “E-Engie?”

“Yep. Keep drinking, I’ll fetch you yer glasses.” The bed creaked as Engie got up.

Medic rubbed his eyes, trying to remember the night before. His mind was blank. “Did...ve...?”

Engie laughed. “Not last night, no.” Reaching over, he tenderly slid Medic's glasses over the doctor's nose. Medic blinked as the engineer's face came into focus. He’d taken his goggles off, and underneath were his cold grey eyes.

“Do you remember last night at all?” Engie sat back down in bed, cozying up to Medic.

“Erhm....no.” Medic furiously racked his brain. He was missing something.

“I’ll help jog yer memory. You got very drunk.”

_ Oh. Oh fuck. _ There it was. Medic grimaced, head still aching.  _ Sniper. Spy. Right. Fuck. _

“Did I...do anything stupid?”

Engie rubbed his chin. “Other than getting ridiculously canned, you and Demoman had a spat. But I got you out of there pretty quick.”

“Oh…”

“Yea.” Engie’s voice had gone sharp. “Gotta say pardner, I’m a lil’ disappointed in you. Might telling me why you thought gettin’ drunk was a good idea?”

Medic stared into the clear glass, watching his warped reflection frown. “I...got angry, and didn’t handle it vell, zhat’s all. Please...don’t vorry about it. I’m really just...” Medic sighed and leaned back, eyes closed. “Being overdramatic.” He finished bitterly.

“Well.” Engie rested his mechanical hand over Medic’s. “You overreact sometimes, true. Don’t forget, I’m here if you need me.”

“ _ Danke _ ...Engie, I...” Medic groaned, and looked at the Engineer with bloodshot eyes. “I’m...I’d appreciate some space right now. Zhank you for taking care of me.”

“Oh, sure sure.” Engie smiled, but disappointment sank in his eyes. “I’ll leave ya be. Take yer time, pardner.”

Medic closed his eyes again in relief as Engie left the room.  _ I didn’t zhink he vould leave...zhank goodness. Vhat is going on vith me? Sniper....sweet fuck. I like him. I really do. _ Hearing about Sniper with another man had done it. Medic finally understood. _ Gods, poor Engie....Vhat zhe hell do I do now?  _

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The shooting range was quiet. Good. Sniper liked the quiet. Kept him focused. He readied his shot. _ Bang _ . A miss. Growling, Sniper's unsteady hands fumbled as he reloaded his gun.  _ Ok,  _ really _ focus this time. Target standing still. Don’t get any easier than this. There we go... _ The crosshairs lined up. The target on the man's head seemed to grow.  _ There. Getting into the zone.  _

_ “That's why you don’t smile at me during battles?”  _ Spy's pouting words filled his head. _ “‘The zone’?” _

Sniper flinched, jerking his gun.  _ Bang _ . Miss. He looked around, eyes wide. His hands rattled.  _ Ok. Ok! Spy isn’t here. You're just imagining things again. Ok. We can try again… _ Sniper looked down at his trembling digits. 

_ “You have such beautiful fingers, my love…” Spy was there, kissing each one slowly. “They work such magic…” _

“FUCK! Spy! Why can’t you leave me alone! I don't want to hear you anymore. I don't want to.” Sniper’s shouts of frustration faded into a pleading whimper. He crouched down, hugging his gun. Spy. It was always Spy. When all distractions were removed, it was him... _ I don’t want to love you anymore... _

A soft coo freed Sniper from his hell. Looking up, Sniper saw a white pigeon sitting on the stall ledge.

“G-g’day, mate.” Sniper said shakily. The dove tilted her head, and cooed again. “Roight...Medic. I suppose he’ll be wanting another meeting....” Sniper felt dread settle in his stomach. _ He’s taken...with Engineer. I should have guessed. How am I supposed to face him, knowing his secret? I suppose...he knows of me and...what I used to have with Spy. I can...I  _ should  _ tell him I know. It’s only fair. _ He peered at the dove. She had still not left. “So...bird. When’s the meeting?”

“Uhm...right now vould vork. Vhy are you on zhe floor?”

Sniper spun around, gun clattering as he dropped it. Above him stood Medic. He seemed...unwell again. Faint bags hung under his eyes, and instead of his normal self-satisfied smile, he was frowning slightly. His face was pinched in…pain?

The dove flew onto Medic's shoulder. “Good Sappho...” Medic murmured, gently stroking the bird for a moment. His eyes didn’t leave Sniper's slumped body.

“Uhh...ya know. Shakes.” Sniper awkwardly got up, facing Medic.  _ God, he looks terrible. _

Medic tilted his head, not unlike his dove. “Shaking? Zhat bad?”

“Uh, yea. Gets real rough, being alone. Um, like alone in a room with my thoughts, n-not in a more general sense...” Sniper trailed off awkwardly.  _ Fuck. Fuck do I say. God, don’t mention relationships. _

“...I see. Vell then. Shall ve...continue our talk from yesterday?” Medic winced. The thought didn’t seem to be very appealing to him.

“Yea yea, sure. Say, ya alright? You don’t look so bonza.” 

“I’m...hungover. But it von’t be an issue, no vorries.”

_ What? He got drunk? It...wasn’t ‘cause of our conversation, was it? He did leave rather suddenly, but, he’s with Engineer, why would he... _ Sniper cleared his throat. “Ah, that’s why you lost yer glasses. I wondered.”

Medic eyes narrowed in confusion. His fingers unconsciously flew up to his face, touching his frame. “Vhat?”

Sniper couldn’t help but smirk.  _ God, that’s adorable. Obviously you have your glasses on now.  _ His mood quickly sobered as he realized what he had to say next.

“Oh, well, last night I found your glasses in the hallway. And...I know about you and Engineer.” Sniper lowered his gaze. “He didn’t tell you? I returned them.”

The shooting range was silent again as Medic, hungover, processed this new information. “Vhat do you mean, "You and Engineer”? Vhat did he tell you?” Medic asked slowly.

“That you two were...involved.” Sniper felt his face flush in embarrassment.

“Oh...Vell zhat’s...none of your concern. Danke for finding my glasses.”

_ Guess he’s not going to talk about it more. Probably best if I don’t press it. _ “No problem, mate.”

“Ok. Now, I suppose ve should start...” Medic sat down next to Sniper. “Here's as good a place as any. Got a dart?”

“You’re not late, though?”

“Sniper. Look at me. I fucking need one.” Medic groaned, running a hand through his already-untidy hair.

Soon the shooting range was hazy with smoke as the men talked. While the conversation began as organized questions, soon it became scattered. Both men were too tired to stay focused and serious. Eventually they were just chatting, laughing, as they recounted stories from the battlefield. Their awkward start was forgotten as both men just enjoyed each other's presence. 

“Yes, then, the fat bugger, he  _ moved _ ! So instead, my bullet hit the RED Demoman!”

“Ouch! Vell, at least you got someone.”

“Hold on, I aint at the best part! So my bullet, yea? Hits the wanker’s  _ bottle _ ! Right when the cyclops is takin’ a swig!”

Medic doubled over in surprised laughter. “Zhat’s vhat zhe drunk gets for drinking in battle!”

“Shut yer trap and _ listen! _ ” Sniper smiled, no sting in his words. “Roight, so the tip o’ the bottle? WAM!” Sniper punched his hand with the other. “In the eye! The good one!”

Medic gasped, but Sniper continued before he could interrupt again. “Then, the bloody idiot, he just _drops_ all his bombs! Whole thing exploded, ‘cluding him! Was a beauty!”

“Oh my gods!” Medic and Sniper both roared in laughter.

“Ok! Ok!” Medic chuckled, wiping a tear of amusement from his eye. Taking a short hit of smoke, he grinned at Sniper. “Zhat one  _ vas _ good! But have I told you of zhe time-” 

The door creaked open, the metallic noise startling both men. Engie stood in the doorway. Goggles obscured his eyes, but his mouth was in a tight frown.

“What's happen’ in here, lads? I can hear yer hootin’ and hollern’ a mile away.”

“Oh! Engie!” Medic got up, hastily hiding his cigarette behind his back.  _ Shitshitshit. He vouldn’t like me smoking.Or being vith Sniper.  _ “Just a zherapy session. Sorry ve got loud. Vhat... brings you here?”

Engie crossed his arms. “Therapy. Right. Ain't sound like any therapy I’ve seen. Besides, I thought you weren’t doing this crap anymore.”

“Vell...you know vhat zhey say, ja? Laughter is zhe best medicine?” As he talked, Medic habituality opened his arms, accidentally revealing his cigarette. 

“Since when do you _ smoke _ ?” Engie strode forward quickly, grabbing Medic’s wrist tightly. “Med, what's going on with you lately? First you get hammered, now this?”

“Ah…” Medic gently tried to pull away from Engie’s grip. The robotic hand didn't release. “It's...part of zhe zherapy. Giving zhe patient a comfortable space-”

“While ruining your health? Med, you were a  _ wreck _ yesterday, you have no idea how much you scared me! I have a pretty solid idea of what's happen’ here-” Medic’s rapid heartbeat increased.  _ Oh no. No. Engie, please… _

“Yer taking Snipers problems, and making them yer own! Med, you can't handle other people's emotional problems. You're too unstable, gettin’ so invested, it aint good fer ya! Smokin’, drinkin’, you'll become just as wrecked as Sniper while tryin’ to fix him. Please, I can’t let ya…” 

Engie trailed off as Medic embraced him in a one handed hug.  _ Engie stop. Please.  _ Engie released his wrist, and it turned into a proper one. Medic trembled in Engie’s arms. _ Engie. I'm so sorry. I don't want to hurt you. Gods. Vhy...do you care about me so much? _

“Engie…” Medic murmured in his ear. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Shhh. I know. It's ok.” Engie broke away from the embrace slightly, still holding onto Medic’s arms. “Please. Stop this.”

Medic looked down. “I...can’t. I have a duty to heal. I can't leave a half assed job.”  _ I can. Oh, I most definitely can. But I won't. I won't abandon Sniper. I’m sorry Engie. I’m cruel. I’m so so cruel. _

Engie sighed. “Course ya can’t. Med...take breaks. I’m here if you need me. I’m always here. Don’t...don’t let there be a repeat of yesterday. And fer fucks sake, stop smoking.”

“I...vill.”  _ It's not exactly zhat easy. I’ve started to crave zhem, and addiction is a pain in zhe arse, just ask Demo- _

“Look at me, pardner.”

Medic looked up slowly. Engie kissed him softly, then released his arms. He finally turned to acknowledge Sniper, who was sitting on the floor still, watching it all with a numb expression. 

“And fer ya...do yer very best to not hurt Medic. Fuck ‘im up and I’ll make you pay.” With that final threat, Engie left the room.

Medic slumped back down next to Sniper, head in hands. He stayed that way for a long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 Sappho my beloved...


	13. Chapter 13

“Sorry you had to see zhat.”

Medic’s mumble shook Sniper from his thoughts. He turned to face the crumpled man sitting next to him. 

“No worries mate. Love being blamed for your problems. Highlight of my day.” Sniper cringed at the angry and bitter reply.  _ Shit. Fuck. I’m not mad at  _ you _. Piss. _

Medic sighed, rubbing his forehead with a gloved hand.  _ Right, poor buggers still hungover. Fucking Engineer… _

Sniper shifted, getting a tad closer to Medic. “Fuck, I’m sorry. You didn't deserve that.” _ Engineer said you were a wreck yesterday...was that my fault?  _

Medic was still quiet.  _ He looks so goddamn sad. Shit.  _

Sniper tried again. “Uhh...look, I’m sorry I’m causing problems. I can, I mean I understand, if you don’t want to keep doing this-“

“Sniper, I’m...I want to help you. The drinking wasn’t your fault. Smoking, vell, kinda. But...I’m not as weak as Engie zhinks.” Medic voice went hard. “I am going to heal you. I promise.”

“T-thanks mate.” Sniper nodded, unsure of how to proceed. “Erm. I can stop smoking, if that'll get Engineer off your back.”

At the mention of Engineer, Medic eyes shadowed. “Don’t.” The German's voice was low. “Don’t change yourself for me. We should be focusing on  _ you _ right now. Your problems. Forget about me.”

“Now hold on. You know I can't do that.” Sniper insisted. “I don’t want to drag you down-”

“VOULD EVERYONE STOP SAYING ZHAT?” Medic’s voice burst out of him as he slammed his fists onto the hard floor. “I’m fine! I’m not being ‘dragged down’! Zhis whole zhing is so stupid! Engine is just being overprotective! Sniper, I,-” Medic cut himself off, coughing.

“If its so stupid then why are you getting so worked up over it?”

“ _ I don’t know! _ I just don’t appreciate Engie coming in here and giving me hell, even if he  _ is  _ trying to help.”

Sniper shrugged. “He’s just lookin out fer ya. You should tell ‘em yer feelings tho, ya know, communicate. At least you got a kiss out of it.”  _ Did that sound bitter? Damn, what I’d do to kiss Medic... _

“I didn’t vant him to kiss me.” Medic voice was so low, Sniper almost missed it. The doctor's eyes were clamped shut as his confession slipped past hurt lips.

“Wot?” Sniper looked at Medic in confusion. “Isn’t he your boyfriend?”*

*[Authors note: even in an established relationship, consent is important and mandatory.]

“Vhat?! No!” Medic shot up in surprise, looking straight at Sniper. “Nothing like zhat! It...ve...vas just supposed to be fun, but...Engie’s getting too close. Telling me vhat to do, vho to spend time vith…”

“He ain't respecting your boundaries, that's what yer saying?”

“Vell…I fear I may have led him on. I do enjoy time vith him! But...gods, he's too intense. He...cares too much. Von’t give me room to  _ breathe _ .”

“See, that ain't right. If you aren't in a serious relationship, he's got no right to act like ya are.” 

Medic gave Sniper a sad smile. “Vho's zhe doctor nov, eh? _ Danke, _ Sniper. I just…” Medic leaned back. “Feel conflicted. A part of me  _ does  _ like Engie, but...zhere's someone else. Lately, I don't know vhat to do. I have to choose. I can't deal vith Engie giving me 110% vhile I’m barely able to give him 50% effort vholeheartedly.”

“Take a break with Engie then. Give yourself some space to think.” Sniper felt his anger at Engineer grow as he looked at Medic’s worn face. The doctor was confused, unsure of what he wanted. And he wouldn't figure it out, with the engineer looming protectively over him.

Medic mused, chewing on his lip.  _ Sweet Jesus that's hot. Piss, focus Sniper.  _

“Sniper...vhy did you break zhings vith Spy?”

_ Well. _ Sniper settled back against the wall. “I couldn't handle it. His demeanor. I felt like...I didn't know the real him. That I was just in love with one of his disguises, tailor-made for me. He wasn’t. _..open.” _

“Engie’s too open...telling me how to live my life.”

“At least you know he cares about ya.” The bitter words came out, voicing a gripe Sniper wasn't aware he had.

“True.” Medic relented. He shifted. “Zhese hard floors and valls make terrible chairs, don't zhey?”

“Yeah, they do.”

“Yet ve keep sitting on zhem.”

Sniper chuckled. “Mm. Yep. Probably a lesson in there somewhere.”

“Sniper...I don’t know if I can do it.”

“What, get up? You can't be  _ that _ stiff.”

“No! Tell Engie. Break zhings off.”

“Oh…do you want me to come with you?”

Medic looked at Sniper, longing etched on his face. “Vould you?”

“‘Course. Was my idea after all. Come on.” Sniper got up stiffly, then offered a hand to Medic.

With a crooked smile, Medic took it and stood up. The two were both standing, still holding hands. Neither let go.

“Vell...suppose ve should go.”

“Yeah.”

Both men still didn’t move.  _ His hand is so soft. Probably would be softer without the gloves though. Still… _

Fuelled by courage from the extended hand holding, Sniper smirked at Medic. “Look mate, either we gotta let go, or you gotta kiss me.”

The effect was immediate. Medic’s face turned pink. “You...vant zhat?”

“Course I do, mate. Why else would I be holding yer hand for so bloody lon-” 

Sniper's rebuttal was cut off by hungry German lips. They kissed, slowly, hands still entwined. 

When they finally broke apart, Medic couldn't wipe the smile off his face. “I've been vanting to do zhat for so long!”

Sniper chuckled. He seemed almost dazed with happiness. “Me too, mate. Wishin’ I tried sooner.”

_ Ok. Ok.  _ Medic tried to stay calm.  _ It's all happening so fast. I’m breaking off with Engie...Engineer. And Sniper feels the same! Oh my gods. This can't be real.  _

“Hey.” Sniper touched Medic cheek, bringing him back to reality. “This is ok, right? Not too sudden? I know with Engineer you said-”

“It's fine.” Medic put a gloved hand over Snipers, gently holding him to his face. The man's hands were so textured, radiating with the heat of Australian sand. “I kissed  _ you _ , right? I...vant zhis. Us.”

“Us.” Sniper agreed, stepping closer and resting his head on Medic's shoulder. 

Medic’s stomach churned with worry at a sudden thought.  _ Vhat vill Spy do if he finds out?  _ He grimaced at the door.  _ Ve just have to pray zhat he doesn’t.  _ “I...I suppose ve must go tell Engineer.”

“Yep.” Sniper let go of Medic, reaching down to pick up his gun. “I’m just putting it away!” He said hastily to Medic’s affronted look. “There. You taking the dove?”

“Ah, yes. Sappho!” The dove, who had been nesting in an above alcove, flew down. Cooing softly, she landed on the brim of Sniper's hat.

“Aw, she likes you. How  _ wunderbar _ !”  _ None of my doves ever rested on Engineer’s head _ .  _ Makes you zhink. _

“Blimey. Is this the one that likes eating organs?” Sniper paled.

Medic laughed, waving a hand. “No no, zhat's Archimedes. Zhis is Sappho! She just likes vomen and high-up places to sit. You fall into zhe lesser category. Poor zhing gets so lonely vhen Miss Pauling doesn’t visit for a vhile...I’m glad she's taken a liking to you.”

“Heh, maybe you should have named her  _ Scout _ . Cute.” Sniper hesitantly reached up to pet Sappho. She cooed and rubbed her head on his tough hand. A faint blush appeared on Sniper's cheeks as he quickly removed his hand. “Roighty. Uh. We got business to do. Ready to go?”

“...Ja.” Medic felt anxiety race through him.  _ How was Engie going to take it? Would he hurt Sniper? _

“Hey, don’t worry. I won't let ‘em hurt you.” Sniper patted Medic on the shoulder.

“I’m worried about  _ you _ , domkoft! Engie, Engineer, he's a killer like the rest of us. Not to be taken lightly.”

Sniper shrugged. “If he offs me, I’ll just be revived, won't I?”

“Zhats if its zhe other team...I don't know vhat vill happen if a BLU member kills you. And you know how janky zhe machine is zhese days” Medic grimaced at the thought.

“That's a risk I'm willing to take.” Sniper met Medic’s eyes. His blue eyes hardened in determination. “I've waited so long, and you’ve done so much for me, that I can't imagine not doing this.” Sniper went to kiss him, but stopped himself. Medic finished it, crossing the short distance and pressing his lips to Sniper’s. Another kiss, short but sweet. 

Nuzzling in the crook of Snipers neck, Medic whispered. “ _ Danke.  _ And...don’t be afraid to kiss me. Just...read zhe room first. It's ok.”

Sniper whispered back. “I’ll remember that. Thank you.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The walk to Engineer’s room was quiet. Medic and Sniper walked side by side, not touching. It was unspoken, but understood, that they shouldn’t be seen showing affection publicly. Not that there was anyone in the hallway.

Medic felt longing gripe his heart. Finally, he had Sniper! He was right there! But he couldn’t touch him. Show his love. _ Vell...zhere’s more zhen one vay to show love. _

“Sniper.” Medic stopped. He had been untangling his thoughts since they left the shooting range, and he finally had them straightened out. 

“Yea?” Sniper stooped as well, looking at Medic with those gorgeous blue eyes of his.

“I zhink I should do zhis alone.”

Sniper frowned. “Wot? Thought ya wanted me with you.”

“I do! I vant you vith me all zhe time…” Medic shook his head, getting distracted. “But. I don’t know how Engie is going to take it. Your presence may...escalate zhings.”

“Engineer.” Sniper corrected, lightly touching Medic’s face. His worn thumb brushed the faint rise of Medic’s cheekbone.

“Oh. Right.” Medic felt his voice crack. “Oh gods, Sniper I don’t know if I can do this!” 

“I know you can. You can do anything. You’re a god, right?”

Medic looked at Sniper in surprise. The lean man was close. He smelled of gunpowder. “Vhat?”

Sniper chuckled, bringing his bruised thumb down to Medic’s lip. “I hear  _ your  _ taunts on the battlefield too, ya know. Go forth, my lord.”

He leaned forward, kissing Medic. Medic responded, a starving man offered a buffet. 

“I…” Medic whispered as their lips brushed apart. “You’re so beautiful. I love you.”  _ Finally, I can say it. Love. All it took was the right person in front of me. _

“I love you too.” Sniper toyed with Medic’s hair. “Rather sudden though, ain’t it? Not that it matters so much...but we’ll have time to talk more later. You got a job to do…”

Sniper leaned off of Medic with a final kiss on the cheek. “...go be a professional.”

Medic felt like his face would melt, it was so warm. “Ngk...how are you so svelte?”

Sniper laughed. “Stuck up ina tower alone for hours on’ end, you come up with a few one-liners. Me an’ Sappho will wait for ya on our balcony, ok?”

“Right.” Medic grabbed Sniper's hand before he left, giving it a quick squeeze. Nodded, he turned and walked down the hallway, alone.  _ Be professional. Ja. Professional. No emotions. _

_ I am a god. _

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_ Tap tap.  _ Medic never knocked on Engineer’s door. This was different, an attempt to create distance. Formality to replace familiarity.

“Howdy. How can I help ya- oh! Med!”

Engie’s-  _ Engineer’s _ voice was so happy. His smile drove nails into Medic's chest. Medic tried to keep his face tight and controlled.  _ Professional. No feelings. _

“Engineer. Can ve talk?” Medic’s eyes couldn’t seem to stay still. They flitted around, looking at everything except Engineer’s face. 

“Of course, pardner! That’s what I’ve been tellin’ you all along, ain’t it? I’m all ears for ya. Come on in.” Gesturing with a gloved metal hand, Engie _ -Engineer  _ opened his door wider. 

His quarters were revealed, familiar and welcoming. Metal scraps littered a work desk and floor. A nest of cables, lovely dubbed “The Mangle”, rested in one corner. Engineer’s bed was rumpled, filled with pillows. How many cozy nights had Medic spent there? 

_ Am I doing zhe right zing?  _ Medic mentally shook himself.  _ Yes! I am. I love Sniper. He's...different, unknown, but...I vant him so badly. I’ve never felt zhat level of attraction to Engie. Engineer. _

“Med? You alright?”

Engineer’s voice shook Medic from his inner turmoil. “Gods...you're so kind. Not like me. I’m...cruel.” Medic closed his eyes as he whispered the confession. This wasn’t where he wanted to do it. To end it. But he couldn’t delay any further.

“Aw Med, what’s got ya worked up? Did Sniper-“

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” The words tore out of Medic's chest as he recoiled from Engineer’s gentle shoulder rub.

Chest heaving, he looked at Engie with tear-filled eyes. “I can’t do zhis anymore. Engie, I’m sorry. Gods know I’m sorry. But I can’t! It’s too much. You’re...too much.”

Engie (yes, gods, that was Engie, his  _ dear  _ Engie standing in front of him) was frozen as he processed Medic’s outburst.

“Med? What do you mean…?” Engie asked, face a mask of confusion.

Something was wet on Medic's face. Salty. “It’s over. I’m done. We’re done. Please, just, gods, don’t touch me.” Medic’s last few words came out in a quavering sob.

“Wha...why? Med, what’s wrong? Are you ok? You haven’t been drugged, have you?” Engie reached out, but just as quickly retracted his hand at the unstable look in Medic’s bloodshot eyes.

“ _ Drugged? _ Engie, LISTEN TO ME!” Medic felt like his chest was closing in on him. His damn face kept getting  _ wetter  _ and  _ wetter.  _ “It’s done. Our partnership, relationship, whatever you see us as! Please, just...stop.”

Engie was silent. Finally, with an unreadable expression, he sighed. “Ok. I think I understand. I’ll give you some space. You go calm down, ok? Want me to walk you back to your room?”

_ ‘Valk me back to my room?’ Like dealing vith an unruly child. He doesn’t believe me. He won’t listen.  _ Medic felt numb.  _ Vas I not...clear enough? Engie has no idea how much this hurts. _ Medic's body shook as another sob forced its way out.  _ He’s just…humouring me.  _

Medic turned away. He had nothing to say. He was drained. Tired. Done. Walking away, each step felt like hot coals. He wanted sososo badly to just  _ go back _ . Go to Engie, collapse in his arms, believe what he said. That Medic just needed to ‘calm down’. But...Sniper was waiting for him. Sniper, who listens. Sniper, who loves him. Whose love felt...freeing.

_ Free. _

The word echoed in Medic’s head.

Free to make mistakes. Free to fuck up his own damn body. Free to laugh without worrying about the noise. Free to not be coddled. 

_ Free to love at my own pace. _

_ Is this how doves feel, when they take flight? _

Walking away, Medic felt the air in his lungs for the first time. Each breath was crisp, steady. He could finally  _ breathe. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh only one chapter left...(of part 1 :3)


	14. Chapter 14

The walk to the balcony was a blur. Suddenly Sniper was in front of him, hugging him. Long fingers brushed tear-stained cheeks. They embraced until Medic’s sobs died down. Red-rimmed eyes looked at the most beautiful face in the world. 

“How did it go?” The words were soft, holding no expectation of an answer. Medic didn't have to talk. They could hug until the stars died.

Medic took a shaky breath. “I told him. Told him it vas over. He...didn't listen. Says he understands, but zhen offers to valk me to my room? Like, no! I’m done vith him, I-” Medic broke off as his drying face started to moisten again. “Godsdamnit, I’m  _ crying _ again. So much for being professional.”

“It's ok to cry. You did everything right. The problem is in his head. You did so,  _ so _ well. I’m proud of you.” Sniper murmured, holding Medic close. “What would you like to do now? Sleep, eat? Sit for a while?”

Medic nodded at the last suggestion. “Sit. Vith you. If zhat’s ok.”

“Of course.”

They sat on the balcony, Medic resting his head on Sniper's shoulder. Sniper put his arm around Medic. “Hey Doc…”

“Ja?”

“Will you go out with me?”

The absurdity of the question caused a burst of laughter from Medic. Under tear-filled eyes he smiled. “After ve’ve kissed, and professed our love,  _ now _ you ask? Ja! Yes, you may. Of course, Sniper.”

Sniper smirked at Medic, gladness sparkling his eyes. “Fantastic! I only delayed cuz I wanted you to cut things with Engineer first. So, it ain't cheating or whatnot.”

“Ah. Sorry to make you wait.”

“No worries, lord.”

“Lord?”

“You're my god, aintcha?”

“Ngk…” Medic blushed furiously. “D-danke.”

The wind curled by, a cool breeze on a hot day. A thought struck Medic. He jolted upwards, startling Sniper.

“Ah! Mate, what's wrong?”

“Sniper! You're cured!”

“I am?”

“Ja!” Medic's face was brimming with excitement as he looked at him. “Your tremors, zhe kinetic ones related to holding your gun! Zhe ones caused by zhe stress of your uncertainty over leaving Spy, zhey should be gone! Because you decided to be vith me now."

“Kin-wot? But yea…” Sniper's smiles widened as the realization dawned on him. “Yea! I don't regret leaving Spy anymore! I love you. God, I love you! Who knew you would be the cure!” He planted an enthusiastic kiss on Medic's lips. Medic could barely kiss him, he was smiling so hard.

From the railing edge, Sappho watched the two lovers. Passionate and fiery, the men had flung themselves from broken relationships to what they hoped would be a full one. While Sappho didn’t quite understand the sort of love in front of her (mlm), she ruffled her feathers contently. It was good to see her dad finally happy. 

_ Sure hope the broken remains of their old relationships don’t come back to haunt them,  _ the dove thought innocently. She pecked at a bug. Life was good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I was sane, I would have just ended the fic here. Of course, I didn’t~ hence why I’ve been working on this fic since bloody AUGUST 2020,,,
> 
> Thank you for reading ^-^ I hope you are enjoying my little take on Bush Medicine~ things are going to get,,,complicated next part,,,hope y’all like angst ;)


End file.
